World AIDS Day

Today, we remember the 40 million people infected with HIV and/or AIDS, and for those who have passed from this cursed disease. The irony that I share my 33rd Birthday with World AIDS Day is not lost on me. I have been hiv+ for almost 5 years now, and for me, looking in the mirror reminds me that every day is World AIDS Day.

We have become complacent in our thoughts, ideas and actions. So many people are still suffering this disease and most of them are suffering with so much less than us. We all share many things in common, but above all is our Humanity, and compassion.

As I write and look at the statistics, tears flow. Please, please, please, I beg of you all, to remember to give or do what you can to fight this disease. Give to your local AIDS charity, hospice or write to your local politicians or community leaders. Help by extending a hand by giving the one thing we value so much these days: your time. Give it willingly and volunteer or spend the time educating yourself, friends, family, and children that this disease is still here, with no cure. It is still here haunting and destroying us and we cannot be complacent about that.

Remember having the disease, does NOT make us diseased. The warm touch of a compassionate heart can heal in so many ways, so please don't turn away.

If you would like to read more about my personal exeriences and struggles, please go to my alternate blog Epicureal Thoughts.

Here are some staggering statistics from Avert:

Estimate

Range

People living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	39.5 million	34.1-47.1 million
Adults living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	37.2 million	32.1-44.5 million
Women living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	17.7 million	15.1-20.9 million
Children living with HIV/AIDS in 2006	2.3 million	1.7-3.5 million
People newly infected with HIV in 2006	4.3 million	3.6-6.6 million
Adults newly infected with HIV in 2006	3.8 million	3.2-5.7 million
Children newly infected with HIV in 2006	0.53 million	0.41-0.66 million
AIDS deaths in 2006	2.9 million	2.5-3.5 million
Adult AIDS deaths in 2006	2.6 million	2.2-3.0 million
Child AIDS deaths in 2006	0.38 million	0.29-0.50 million

Some more statistics:

More than 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981.

Africa has 12 million AIDS orphans.

At the end of 2006, women accounted for 48% of all adults living with HIV worldwide, and for 59% in sub-Saharan Africa.

Young people (15-24 years old) account for half of all new HIV infections worldwide - around 6,000 become infected with HIV every day.

In developing and transitional countries, 6.8 million people are in immediate need of life-saving AIDS drugs; of these, only 1.65 million are receiving the drugs.

Changing Times...quick news and thoughts....

I'm too busy to make a commentary on every damned thing that has been in the news. There is way too much to comment on, and too little time, but here's a list of things that are on my mind:

1. Dick Cheney believes dunking prisoners is a 'no brainer"? So when did the Geneva Convention become open for interpretation? Read this amazing article, by Heather Mallick. She quotes so precisely that "We don't learn from war; we repeat it. We don't prevent war; we perfect it."
2. When and will these bastards be accountable for their actions and deception?
3. Rumsfeld resigns...well it's about fucking time.
4. Democrats are majority in the House of Representatives...well, it's about fucking time.
5. Hopefully, they will also win in the Senate.
6. Goodbye Santorum!
7. Goodbye Ted Haggard, you Muther prostitute fucking whore of a hypocrite!
8. I wonder if the Religious Right still thinks it can sit Holier Than Thou, and preach to us about the Morals and Ethics of religion?
9. I wonder if the honourable Stephen Harper is cringing at the thought of losing status of Mini Me. 24 Sussex Drive needs to be vacated and fumigated.
   

On a side note, life is going well. Our perpetual renovation and painting is slowly starting up again. My personal artwork is also taking on momentum. Rib Breaker has been in better spirits and state of mind recently, and will soon be massaging again at a new, beautiful clinic in the Beaches, with some friends from another establishment, who have now gone out on their own.

Begging up the Wrong Leg

Yes, yes, yes. I know I am on a hiatus, but this just happened and I had to share it.

RB and I had been visiting a friend of his up along Queen and Strachan for the evening. I had a long day and knew tomorrow would be busy, so we decided to head out after Survivor at 9pm. As we were leaving the building, we saw the streetcar coming. So as not to have to wait another 30 minutes for the next streetcar, we made a mad dash to catch it. At the time, I was also immersed, multi-tasking, by typing away tomorrows schedule with my Crackberry. All of a sudden, a woman of about 50, considerably overweight, wearing a toque and dirty torn grey sweats, who (no offense) looked as though she lived on the streets, popped suddenly out of the bus shelter. She took me by surprise and mumbled something quite incoherently to me. In my haste to catch the streetcar, I couldn't quite make out what she said, but thought she asked:

"Do you have any money?" with nary a smile.

I replied, "No sorry, I don't have any change", and made a gesture by shaking my pockets to explain.

She gave me a dirty look as I passed, but didn't say anything. As I caught up to RB, I noticed he was laughing and it occurred to me she had also asked him the same question. It then occurred to me that she wasn't asking for money. What she really said was,

"Would you like some company?" with nary a smile.

Aside from being gay, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want her company if every man on this planet were dead and she was the last transexual with a big penis. Although, I may have thought it, I would never say such a mean thing. I couldn't help but wonder who would want her company, but felt terrible that my response may have left her thinking she wasn't worth my change.

continued hiatus

It's been a rollercoaster of a ride these last few weeks. Emotions have been high and tears have flowed deeply. We are on the mend and life continues, though thoughts of our puppy will always be there.

I wanted to say "Thanks" again to everyone who has given words of encouragement and sympathy. It really has helped, and both Davy and I are thankful for such kind people in our lives.

As a side note, I am going to take some additional time off and think about what it is I want to do with my life. Blogging has been a wonderful experience. I have met many amazing people and have used this medium as an experiment and a therapy. It has helped a great deal with my daily life and I intend to get back to it, but I currently need to focus on other projects, like my painting and art. I have found a renewed passion for it, and have put my heart and hand to the canvas once again.It truly is a remarkable feeling, regaining passion for something that I once loved, then lost.

I will see you all soon, and will be back in a couple of weeks. Until then, be well and take good care of yourselves.

Much Love,
epi (aka Alex)

Goodbye my baby

For 15 years, she remained my companion and friend. She comforted me in my darkest moments and was the source of so much joy. She never judged me and forgave me for every trespass, greeting and loving me every day I came home. I loved her more than words can say, and tearfully after a long struggle, we had to let her go. She tried so hard to remain by our side, fighting so valiantly and faithfully, but we know we made the right decision. Though our pain and sadness is great and deep, her pain was far greater and we knew keeping her would be nothing less then selfish.


Goodbye my sweet baby. My sweet Kalyx. I will always love you.
Sleep, sleep well and know I will always remain your loyal companion.

Love Always,
Alex and Davy

In Gods name...

September 22, 2006

Indonesian Executions Lead to Violence

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Filed at 6:45 a.m. ET

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: September 22, 2006

PALU, Indonesia (AP) -- Christian mobs torched cars, blockaded roads and looted Muslim-owned shops in violence touched off by Friday's executions of three Roman Catholics convicted of instigating attacks on Muslims.

-------------------------------------------

I actually saw this article on Andy's Last Debate and was so infuriated that I had to actually post my own commentary.

Oh, the hypocrisy that has been made of religions and this notion of justice and god's love. Andy had titled his post "Do Unto Others". Whether he was quoting the Bible, where it is probably most well-known for, I am not clear. However, it should be noted that very similar phrases appear in many Ancient texts and/or dialogues, from Socrates to Confucious to the Koran and Talmud. My point is that if all these religions and philosophers have spouted similar ideas of good deeds and of neighbourly love, where then, are the good deeds and neighbourly love?

"Where's the Beef" I ask?

A little mathematical equation pops in my head, everytime something like this happens:

Bible(Human inability to think for themselves) + Koran(Human inability to think for themselves) = stupidity

This is what happens, when you take a human construct like the Bible/Koran/whatever, that speaks of doing good deeds in one text, then of "smiting" in others, and the human need to define themselves by something other than their own brain. Again, the hypocrisy.

"Do Unto others" indeed. Maybe they are all masochists, seeking sexual pleasure in their annihilation. This simply solidifies the belief that religion, rather than being an instrument of love and spiritual growth, has been bastardised into an instrument for personal agendas.

"In the name of Allah"
"In God we Trust."
"God Bless America"
"God will protect us..."

Every damned person and every damned leader is calling god to their side, and each believes that they will prevail with god's power and their blind faith. If this wasn't a sign that god has a cruel sense of humour, nothing does.

I apologise, if this offends the sensibilities of religious folk, but in all honesty, all this "in the name of "put name of god here" bullcrap offends my sensibilities as a human being.

Everyone seems to be invoking god's name as the reason for their crusades. It is infantile and disgusting. Personal responsibility has been shirked under god's protection, so that leaders and individuals will have a clearer conscience for the murder or persecution of others who do not follow their faith.

So people, do your god a favour and leave him/her alone. I'm pretty sure s/he has better things to do, like creating a star than dealing with your stupidity and intolerance.

Amen.

A new Blog starting

Hi All,

I am starting a new blog, letters-from-the-past that will contain written Diary entries and letters from others, over the past 20 years. It was a little project I wanted to start sometime ago, but soon realised it was a lot bigger than I thought. Sorting through the hundreds of paper entries chronologically has been a difficult task, so I have decided to enter them randomly, with the only caveat being that they were moments in my life that signified a momentous change in thought or behaviour.

I am in a far different place, emotionally and spiritually these days. It is still a struggle at times, but I find comfort in knowing I have grown and shown some maturity in my aging.

I won't be stopping my other Blogs. This will be a workling project. An anthology I suppose of my thoughts and emotional growth.


Cheers,
Epi

Give a dog a Bone

Did you get the recent Canadian Ikea catalogue delivered to your home? Turn to the page 2 insert and have a look at the dog and tell me if something looks odd.



Need a closer look?

Apparently, the story was that a disgruntled employee superimposed his penis on the dog. That according to an Ikea spokesperson, is not true. The "penis" is in fact the dogs leg. The dog has now been given the nickname "Swedish Sausage". I don't know what kind of breed this dog is, but I think the father is John Holmes

Summer Updates

The summer has been great. Hot and beautiful, just the way I like it. Life has been rather uneventful, thus I haven't been posting much. My dog Kalyx, however celebrated her 15th birthday in mid June. I took her to the Vet to get a check-up as she is beginning to show her age these days. She's having difficulty going to the washroom and hass gotten a bit more incontinent.

The vet says it's the natural progression, but was still flabbergasted that she was doing so well for her breed being a Shephard Cross. Anyhow, we're trying to keep her as comfy and happy as possible, and part of her treatment is to keep her entertained and mentally alert, so we have been teaching her tricks to perform. From these videos, you would think she was still a puppy!

Kalyx tricks: Liver Treats


Kalyx tricks at Age 15

HNT

Both pictures were taken May 24 at the Chalet (Thanks to IrishBoy for helping me take these). Happy HNT!

I am still taking time off from the Blogdom working on a few things, specifically my tan. I'm not quite so pale anymore, as the picture depicts. Hope the Summer is going well for all of you.

And no, my eyes are not blue or grey. It was the reflection of the clouds at dusk.

Summer vacation

Heya All,

Going with the absent theme, I am going to continue my vacation through the Summer. I ay post every now and then, but think I've exhausted the blogging neurons for the moment. Pride Week in Toronto has already begun and tomorrow is the first big date for partying, when the streets close down, and a million or so people revel and celebrate in the history and diverseness of our Community. I look forward to the celebrations, the sun, the hot sweaty men and the booze.

I'll post pictures after.

Cheers.

I'm an Uncle

Yay! I'm an Uncle!

Congratulations to my brother and sister-in-law! She gave birth to a healthy girl, 7 pounds 6oz. She looks kinda mushed up right now (the baby, not the mother), but is super cute with lots of hair and a ferocious appetite. Mum was in labour for 15 hours with no epidural. I don't know how she did it, but she did very well and looked great despite the long labour.

Obviously, I haven't had much time to post and likely will be absent for a bit more. Take care for now and I'll hopefully get a chance to catch up on your blogs soon.

Victoria Long Weekend in Review

The weekend was pretty chockful of activities and I am still tired from all the different events. Friday, I went to see The DaVinci Code. I can't say that I was all that impressed, but thought there were some good moments during the flick. I guess I always find it difficult to watch a movie after I have read the book. They simply never seem to do them justice. That evening, RB and a slew of other friends went to a cocktail party at Miso Honi's place. Saturday, 7 friends and I drove North to a friends Chalet in Beaver Valley, which is situated on a beautiful private ski resort. Saturday's weather was beautiful and I took a hike on my own in the late afternoon. It was nice to get away and be alone and bond with nature again. Skiing was obviously shutdown, but a major storm came through and gave us a bit of winter on the Sunday morning. We returned Sunday afternoon, then headed out to a club for a bit of dancing. Don't have much time to post more, so I've posted some pics.

Saturday: ski hills and valley. The hills are quite steep and it took me an hour to get down the hills and back around.

ski machinery graveyard. I love Urban decay. Beauty exists everywhere.

Sunset: snow making machines

Urban decay: snow making machine graveyard

Sunset and a babbling brook

Hat antics: We found the hats and decided to have an impromptu hat party. As you can tell, we could barely keep a straight face.

Miso Honi and his Episcopalian costume found in the closet. I almost peed in my pants watching him pose.

Snow Sunday morning. Yes, it was May 21.

My Fan base leaves me wondering what's wrong with them.

Curious to find out who my fans were I decided to follow in Tornwordo's footsteps and do a Traffic search on my blog. This is what showed up in the search engines that directed people to my site:

pimples on testicles - referencing these posts: 1, 2
emotional damage from childhood enemas - referencing these posts: 1, 2, 3

For the record, I do not and never had any pimples on my nuts, thank you very much. I keep them, clean, groomed and well scrubbed. Two, I never had a childhood enema, and none of my adult ones ever resulted in any psychological fuck up, just a good clean fuck.

Who comes up with these qeuries and most importantly WHY?

BBQ Chicken and the roasting of traditionalism

Growing up in a household where the preferred method for dealing with family issues, was to ignore them and remain in silence, taught me at an early age that personal issues were a dirty topic. There is a saying in Chinese that “We do not wash our dirty laundry in public” and it says a lot about the traditional ways of the Chinese culture.

When I came out to my parents and brother almost 18 years go, I had imagined at the time that they would accept and love me unconditionally, despite these traditions. I was naive, and didn't understand that the culture and traditions of my people were instilled so deeply in my parents.. I didn't realise that my parents had invested in me their dreams of a future. Dreams quite different from mine own, and my telling them that I was gay, would smash those dreams on the rocks of reality.

In all of this, I discovered that these cultural ideas of respect and honour were also instilled in me. I knew that I would bring shame on my family if I spoke about being gay, so I kept my mouth shut and went back into the closet for 4 more years, all the while becoming more curious about experimenting and living my life truly as the person I was.

I was young and confused. Tortured and lost. In addition to the Cultural responsibility, I was also raised in a Catholic home, went to an all-boys Catholic school, and my grandfather was an evangelical reverend. I had more than my share of baggage and realised very quickly that my being gay was not going to be easy. The 80’s had just passed, and being gay was still looked upon with derision. The AIDs epidemic fueled the stigma of gays as a disease on society and I was only too aware of it. My parents and family though liberal in many ways, were traditionalists when it came to family and their children. Yet, I still held out, believing that love was unconditional and that it would rise above all things.

However, as the years passed the hope that I would be embraced with family approval and love began to fade and I psychologically acceded that my parents and family would never want anything to do with my "gay' lifestyle. The idea that your family is not supportive of you in any endeavour is hard enough. Believing that they want nothing to do with your partner and future family is even harder. It was particularly hard attending family events and holiday get togethers, watching everyone interact with each others husband, wife, daughter or son, all the while unable to talk about yours. I always wondered if they knew how I felt, or how lonely and isolated I was from my family. Though we saw each other fairly regularly, I was always mindful that there was a wedge in our relationship, because I was unable to share my life, joys and happiness with them.

However, everything comes full circle. This past Saturday, my brother Woozy celebrated his 35th Birthday and he and his wife J sent out an email earlier in the week to me, inviting me and RB to the bbq. This invite meant more to me than they could possibly imagine. For 17 years, my identity as a gay man and any relationship I ever had was never discussed with my family, and never acknowledged.

All anybody in this world wants is to be Acknowledged.

So, I arrived at my brothers place mid-afternoon and prepared the BBQ withmy sister-in-law. RB was still working so he didn’t arrive till 8ish after all my brothers friends, and in-laws had arrived. Upon RB’s arrival, my brother and sister-in-law greeted him warmly and introduced him to the family and friends. It was an amazing experience for me, because for the first time I felt a bond and connection to my family that I hadn’t experienced before. My brother, wife and all her siblings and their partners welcomed us and treated us equally. I didn’t feel like a cast-off, nor did I feel any trepidation, fear or embarrassment about my life and partner. We were welcomed as part of the family and I was so full of happiness and pride that I was beaming and glowing. To feel equal in the eyes of those you love and to know they mean it, is something I know I will never take advantage of again.

So, I am very thankful. I am thankful that people do change for the better and that I was proven wrong. I am thankful that a new stage in my life has opened up, and that I no longer need to feel ashamed of anything. And I am most thankful for my brother and his wife for looking at me straight in the eyes, and acknowledging RB and I for who we are. Partners and Lovers, No different than they.

What’s more, I left knowing that I no longer had any dirty laundry.

Summerts

Last night, RB and I headed over to visit his friend Scott, whom we hadn't seen in a couple of months. We had dinner, chatted and later relaxed with a rolled dessert and headed home after 9pm. We got on the streetcar and headed East back to the City. As we were cruising along Queen St. West, we were marvelling at how much the neighbourhood had changed in the last 15 years. It was trendy and high-end funky boutiques were everywhere. As we passed the GAP, RB looked quizzically out the window.

RB: "What the hell are Summerts?"
Me (now looking out the window): "A what?"
RB: "What are Summerts?"
Me: "Where the hell are you looking?
RB: "Over there at the GAP."
Me: "I have no idea what your talking about."
RB: "Oh wait....ummm. forget it. (Starts laughing hysterically)
Me: "What?
RB: "Umm it said Summer T's"

6 degrees of separation & a Thought

Last night, RB, a friend of his, and I went to an opening for a photo exhibit of Thailand after the Tsunami. The pictures were taken by RB's co-worker Maggie, while she was visiting there on a trip shortly after the disaster. Maggie had gone with her friend Lisa to the devastated region and both returned with pictures and decided to do an exhibit with the proceeds going to the Tsunami Relief Fund.

I decided to call my best friend Anne-Marie (aka Babycakes) to see what she was doing and if she wanted to go. It turns out that her colleague was Maggie's cousin and they were all heading there together to support her. We laughed at the irony of it all and how people were connected. When I got to the cafe where the exhibit was taking place, a familiar voice called out my name. I turned and there was my co-worker standing in the doorway. It seems his fiance is the cousin of Lisa and they too were there to support.

All of this got me thinking about the Six Degrees of Separation Theory proposed by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929. The theory is that everyone on the planet is somehow connected to another person on the planet through a chain of no-more than 4 other acquaintances. The idea that we are all connected in some way, gives me comfort and makes me feel closer to each person I know. It also makes me wonder why there is so much hatred, bitterness and strife in this world. If we are all connected, are not each of us brothers and sisters? I know the thought is rather juvenile and I realise that the politics of the world can't be reduced to such simplicity. But what if they were? Imagine what we could do or accomplish if we all thought of each other as a connected network of family and friends.

Imagine no more hate, pain, famine or war.

The beauty of it all seems so clear in my mind, but I realise that I am a dreamer and that the reality of life on this planet is far more complicated than this one theory. But I still have hope that things will change and that possibly you or I can illicit change through our network of connections.

So, with this in mind, I proposition you all on a project that I have been ruminating upon. To some, the idea may seem rather foolish or bizarre, but I believe there is something in this idea that can potentially make a change, be it in society, yourself, or the World.

Maybe all.

There is a need for change. A need for compassion and understanding in our World, that I think we have forgotten about. Our lives have become so complex and frenetic, what with our jobs, families, social lives and own personal issues, that we have lost sight of the other role we play as members of a Global community. My belief is that through action we can often discover something beautiful in ourselves and others, and that it will plant a seed for change. I believe that every person in this world is connected in some way, and that a single action of good can start a wave that will continue and travel across the globe. Just imagine the following scenario, which I recently experienced:

You are walking down the street. The ominous clouds indicate imminent rain and everyone is rushing about, focused on their own worries and destinations. Then, out of the blue, your briefwork bag breaks and the contents spread across the sidewalk, the wind carrying many of your work papers across the street. You stop, curse and can’t believe your day is going to shit, when a stranger begins to pick your papers up in front of you and out of the gutter. Another person sees that person, realises what is happening and also begins to help. Soon people across the street are running about and into the street to assist. You are dumbfounded, but also immensely grateful to these strangers. Soon, all is recovered. Everyone smiles and your Thanks are noted and everyone carries on with their day.

You, continue to work, smiling despite having your papers in disarray. You are thankful and feel a bit of warmth that others were so kind. The strangers in turn, walk away with a slight spring to their step. They too realise that they have done something kind and that it may have helped this stranger. No names, numbers or words were exchanged, yet everyone feels the same warmth, the same sense of community. These people continue this sense of well-being through the day, and it is infectious and without realising it, they have affected hundreds of people indirectly, through one single act of kindness.

I suppose, none of this is all that new. People always talk about doing good things, and many people do. As I mentioned, I have a project in mind that I have been working on for a year or more that I hope will come to fruition. All of my recent experiences have indicated that I need to do more with my life and that I need to give back. I've never been one to believe in destiny, but I am beginning to wonder if everything that is or has happened to me has some reason. I hate getting all spiritual and philosophical about it, but just stay tuned, as I may need your advice, help or hand.

Much love,
Epi

P.S. I realise that this post is the epitomy of tangential thinking, but my thought process tends to run like a train wreck, from one thing to the other until I actually find some valuable lesson from my experiences.

Coppers

As some of you may know, my work is rather eclectic in that it is technical, but revolves around planning, design, consultation and technical support. One of my clients happens to be the Toronto Police, so yesterday I went out on a field ride in one of their off-duty unmarked cruisers. We were doing some technical network tests around the Danforth (a street in Toronto), where they were experiencing some latency issues. The area is known for it's problems and gangsta-style kids who walk around with attitude and pants that hang at their knees.



Our tests required numerous stops, U-Turns and circling of the area. Obviously, this made residents rather suspicious and to be honest, the unmarked cruiser isn't all that inconspicuous to most kids and residents in the area, who probably thought we were doing some surveillance. What we didn't expect was to be pulled over by another on-duty cruiser.

Our driver, who is part of the Police Force, but within the I.T unit pulled over, and started to laugh and joke about how this had never happened before. We turned on the radio and tuned into the frequency for that Police division:

Dispatcher: Officer pulling over suspected 2-0-8.
Officer: We have the cruiser pulled over. No obvious signs of damage. Three visible occupants. I don't think this is the 2-0-8. Description does not match.
Dispatcher: Your orders are to intercept and contact this 2-0-8. Proceed please.
Officer: Approaching driver side. It is an off duty unmarked cruiser, but it looks like...

The officer comes into sight and looks at us and starts to laugh and says to us:

Officer: Hmmmph, I thought that was what this was.
Our driver: Heya, how are you officer?
Officer: Good, thanks. Sorry, we were ordered to pull you over.
OD: What's going on?
Officer: One sec.
Oficer (to dispatcher): Cancel the 2-0-8 . It's one of our Mobile I.T cruisers. Will update shortly. Over.
Officer (turns back to us, smiling): So, I assume you guys are testing the dead spots?
OD (pointing at us): Yeah, these guys are from (company) and are on the run with us to troubleshoot.
Officer: Nice to meet ya. Sorry for the scare. We just got a call in that there was a stolen unmarked Police cruiser, that was on a rampage driving into other cars. Apparently you have been driving in circles and were seen as suspicious by 2 other cruisers.

How much more excitement can I ask for? Woo Hoo?

Cirque de So Gay and Maidens of the Mist

Aside from being too lazy to post, I've been rather busy with home renovations, painting canvasses and catching up on reading. In the midst of all this, I have had the chance to do a few fun things on the weekend. A few weeks ago, a group of friends, and co-workers went to the Toronto School of Circus Arts, where we learned to Trapeze. It was incredibly fun and it helped me conquer some major obstacles and fears with heights. I did quite well for myself, and completed a number of different tricks. Pictures unfortunately were forbidden during this lesson, but I was able to get a video of RB doing his act during a previous visit, video provided below (I'm climbing the ladder on the left):

This past weekend, 2 of my friends, Paulina and Dragonfly took a day trip to Niagara Falls, where I tried my virginal hand on the slot machines with all the Blue hairs and obviously die-hard addicts. I stopped at a loss of $25.00 and vowed to never play again. A complete waste of money, but an expereince nonetheless. After walking about, we visited the Inniskillin winery, which was packed with tourists, most notably Japanese and Chinese, who for some reason absolutely LOVE Ice wine. A great time was had by all, and I've posted a few pics below.

The drive in Paulina's new car. I just had a Redbull, can you tell?

Spring along the Niagara Canadian Side.

Daffodils...god I love Spring!

Dragonfly, Paulina and me

Me and Paulina

Maiden of the Mists

Maiden of the Mists and rainbows

The Falls

The Falls

The view from the Canadian side.

Dragonfly and Paulina

Paulina and me posing

HNT and nothing new

Sorry all. I know I promised that I would be a bit more active in the blogdom, but work has been been busy, as has life. So here are 2 pictures of me at work.

HNT: Half Nekkid Thursdays...(ahem) Friday

I realise I am fully nude here, but you only see half of me so I think it qualifies. I had just woken up to dawn and decided that I had better participate...better late than never. Got the camera. Setup. Done.
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I've been busy, but I'll be back soon to actually post something of interest.

Happy HNT!

Balanced with an Explanation

Well, I guess an explanation is due. I didn't mean to sound so cryptic or to set off alarms with y'all, but I was going through some peculiar events the last 3 weeks which I was not accustomed to.

Let me explain.

I have been seeing a rheumatologist for the last 9 years for various joint and rheumatic issues, and was diagnosed with a series of diseases such as Ankylosing Spondylitis, Sjogren's Syndrome and intermittent sciatica. In the medical melee, I was also diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and was seeing a Gastroenterologist for that. I know, I know. Makes me sound like an medical mess, but trust me, I live a rather healthy and normal lifestyle.

Anyhow, both specialists separately decided to prescribe the Tricyclic anti-depressant Amitriptyline (Elavil, Endep) to treat the pain and symptoms. Apparently, using these anti-depressants, helps with neural damage by blocking pain messages to the brain, or by helping in the production of endorphins (body's natural pain killers). The dosage was low, but the effects were psycho-traumatic for me. I started to feel anxious and was losing concentration both at home and at work. I couldn't focus on the smallest of tasks and began to have unnerving thoughts that I was going crazy. I felt as though I was outside of my body and that I had no control over my life or thoughts. I was manic one moment, then depressed 10 minutes later.
To top it all off, I started having bizarre dreams where I was running or being chased. I literally thought I was losing my mind. The emotional and characteristic changes did not go unnoticed by friends, colleagues or RB. My general disposition is one of a happy-go lucky individual, but the drug brought out a very dark and paranoid side.

All of this began to culminate on Sunday, when I was painting and went into a manic painting frenzy. Over the following 3 days, I had numerous anxiety attacks, and decided to stop the medication completely. I am back to normal now, and am glad to be sane again. It really was not an experience I would want to re-live, but it put some perspective on what it is like for all those out there who deal with depression or anxiety. I won't ever discount their feelings again.

Trust me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you who commented or sent messages my way. You truly have no idea how much it meant to me to have support from you all! XOXOXO

Balancing Act

Hi All,

Life has been rather hectic as of late and my priorities have had to shift to accomodate. I have a few personal things to work out, but worry not, I am well otherwise. Thanks for all the emails and comments as to my whereabouts.

I have realised that without steady structure in my life, I tend to spiral out of control. I am susceptible to erratic behaviour when I lose sight of my goals and ambitions, and this can be a very scary thing. I am not one that gives control and power away easily, and have found that when any one aspect of my life is in unsychronized, I am thrown for a loop. For me, everything must be in balance for things to function well. I am usually very good at keeping things in check, but as of recent, I've been walking around a little off kilter.

As you can tell, I have taken some time off. I am cleaning house right now and getting my brain, spirit and body back on track, and will be back soon.

Cheers,
epi

I Must, I Must, I Must increase my Bust.

I am sore. Aching actually. Every move that I make hurts and I love it.

Rib Breaker and I have been working out fiendishly the last 2 weeks and I hope to continue with the momentum. I have always been on the slim and ectomorphic side and I now have a desire to bulk up and increase muscle mass. It takes a lot of work and I am finding the results quite promising. So, if any of you have suggestions and tips on how to gain effective weight and muscle mass please let me know. I already have a very high metabolism and consume close to 3000 plus calories a day. My goal is to stay trim and focus on core muscle groups like my back and Abs as well as add to my very flat chest. I would love to achieve part of this before summer so that the shirt can come off without feeling embarrassed or skinny, so wish me luck.

Happy HNT!

I've been incredibly busy the last few weeks, so I apologise for the lack of posts and visits to your Blogs. The cold grey weather is making me long for the warmth of summer, so in honour of the Summer Sun, I am posting a picture of last year.

Happy HNT!

Peeling back the Layers

We woke up early for a Saturday morning, as we had a busy day ahead. We rushed about the home in preparation, dashing out of the doors just after 8am. We walked briskly. The March sun was trying to poke it's way through the clouds, but old man winter was doing it's best to hold tight. Each time the wind took a swing at us, it took a chunk of warmth right out of our exposed flesh. It was bitterly cold. Mother Nature was being a tease and all I could think of was Spring and it's promise of warmth. We borrowed a friend's car and headed out for our trip to visit Rib Breaker's dad in Trenton. I had never met his dad, but had seen a few pictures at Rib Breaker's old apartment and on our trip to visit his mum in North Bay back in November.

The last they saw each other was September of last year, and RB had been wanting to go for sometime now. We headed East on the 401 arriving just after 11am. His father worked for the Canadian Military and Trenton AFB was one that he had worked at for a number of years. It was where RB was born and I got a glimpse into his world as a child. RB drove me around Trenton and pointed out the homes where he had lived. One such house he told me was so old and dillapidated that the home was insulated with bales of hay. In the winter time, the only source of heat was from a small woodstove that barely produced enough heat to keep them warm. The picture he painted was one of a tough childhood, with little money. He told me, on the really cold days he would wake up early and fill the tub with hot water and go sleep in there so that he could shake off the chill. He also told me that he could only draw the water slowly, or else pebbles would come rolling out of the faucet. I kept thinking, "do people really live like that?" How could people in a wealthy nation live in such poverty. I had always lived quite comfortably, even after my family went bankrupt on a business venture back in the early 80's. It was sobering to think that I might have complained about my living situation when he could barely keep himself warm on a winter morning.

We eventually drove into Trenton and got to his Dad's place. It was a small house shouldered between the Bay of Quinte and the Trent river. His father greeted us at the door with his dog Keisha. His father was slender with shoulder length silver blonde hair, soft kind blue eyes and an even softer voice. The resemblance was uncanny. He grabbed RB and they hugged for what seemed an eternity. I had to avert my eyes. It was such an intimate moment and I didn't want to intrude. I have noticed in RB, this incredible sensitivity and soft heart. He dons this tough protective mask a lot of the times, but in reality he's just a 10 year old kid in a 38 year old man's body. His love is unconditional and pure. They hugged, and kissed and it warmed the cold ktchen and me. Father and son together again.

We sat casually around the kitchen table as though we had been there just a week ago. Shooting the shit, we chatted about each other and his 16 year old dog, who kept waddling over for more treats. RB's older sister, boyfriend and her daughter came just after noon and we all sat around chatting and laughing. Rb's niece just had a baby boy 2 weeks prior and this was the first RB got to meet him. He was adorable and so tiny. RB took 2 week old Logan and cradled him, then fed and burped him. Watching him, made me fall in love with him all over again.

We spent the day in the kitchen. The silence was sometimes awkward but not uncomfortable. I sensed in David the years of loneliness and frustration of being away from his family and understood more, why he was the way he was. We headed out for dinner which RB and I paid for, then headed back to his dad's place, where we sat for a bit longer before bidding our farewells. I didn't want to push him. I know he could have sat and stayed there forever.

When we finally got up, he first hugged his sister, then his dad. Tears flowed and they didn't say much. His father turned to me with a great big smile, his eyes twinkling, but rimmed in sadness and said "You take good care of him, alright?" They all had the same eyes. Piercing blue, grey rimmed with years of hardship and pain, yet all that emanated from them was love and kindness. I just nodded my head and hugged him again.

We drove home in relative silence. There wasn't much to say as I knew the trip would be hard on him. When we got into the comforts of our home, RB began to cry and I consoled him, the way he had with me 2 weeks past. When his crying subsided, we spoke softly to each other and he fell asleep in my arms.

There are few things in life more precious than seeing true genuine love. Before RB, I never understood what love was or could be. When we met, I thought I was the one who would teach him or fix him, and in the end, it was he who fixed me.

Babycakes, I love you

There have been many people in my life who have given me strength and support, through good times and bad. I love these people with all my heart and I am thankful for their constancy and stalwart strength with which I draw upon. There are many to mention, but for the purposes of this post, I will speak of one who speaks volumes and whom I am indebted to for life.

Anne-Marie (aka Annie) and I met back in 1999 while in Montreal during the Black & Blue Festival. We met through other mutual friends who now form a Core group of closely knit friends, that we fondly refer to as the Cottage Crew. Annie and I, quickly became friends. Her beautiful smile and warm heart drew me to her and we were instantly connected. I was 26 and finding my way in life and decided to move in with Annie and her other roommate in 2000. Their third roomie was leaving so I was filling in a gap. As we became closer, our relationship intensified and we spent all our time together. She was my Grace and I was her Will. We knew every intimate detail about each other and could understand each other without a word. Sometimes it was comical, and sometimes it was tragically dysfunctional, but our friendship was always infinite and absolute.

When I discovered my HIV status in June 2002, she was my rock. There are many others who were there as well, namely the Joy Luck Club whom I also am indebted to for life. That is another intensely personal relationship that I will have to save for another day. Annie was working for the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (CANFAR) at the time and the news hit her hard, but she still stood by me and allowed me to grieve and cry on her shoulder.

As time progressed we became even closer and it is now a relationship that I find difficult to express in words. There are no words that can do it justice. There is an understanding and a compassion there that we both share. I am her Monkey and she is my Babycakes. It will never change. It can only grow stronger.

Babycakes, I love you and will always be there for you as you have always been there for me.

An archaelogical expedition into long lost treasures of the Soul

I have never been one to cry during movies or at weddings. It was always very foreign to me and I often got nicknamed the Ice Queen for my lack of emotional display. Crying and open displays of vulnerability were not emotional wells that I dug into often, believing them to be irrational and weak. I tried at times to find that melancholic feeling that would make me cry, but it always seemed so artificial and I often wondered why it was that I could not feel, or more aptly, why I would not allow myself to feel.

After a lot of introspection and years of intensive self therapy, I have realised a lot of it has to do with my upbringing and having been raised in a family where I was my own source of solace and comfort. My parents raised me as best they could and to the best of their knowledge. There were no child-rearing handbooks at that time and some of the techniques of discipline which they dispensed would nowadays be looked upon with disdain. Some would have called it abuse. My father, who was the primary disciplinarian was thorough and very quick to anger. I certainly don't blame him for it, and have forgiven him for all and any trespasses. He was raised the same way, and he has come a long way in being a more fatherly figure. I love my parents deeply, but the emotional scars still run deep and it is a journey on my part to rid myself of the damage and pain that still resides in me. I am working towards that goal, and part of the journey is realising that I still associate feeling and emotional availability to vulnerability and to a difficult past. Over the years and over time, you build up a protective wall, and unchecked, that wall becomes menacing and prevents you from getting inside yourself. I have also realised that the pain and sorrow that we keep in ourselves become insidious and malignant, seeping into different aspects of your life without you even realising it. Like a cancer, it overtakes you and soon you lose site of the good and beautiful things that exist around you.

So on Friday, after an evening hanging-out with friends I went home and spent time with Rib Breaker. There was nothing unique or different about that evening, but suddenly I became acutely aware of my surroundings and where I was in my life. My personal history, my childhood, my hiv status and my future all loomed over me and it was overwhelming and I experienced a panic attack. I became dizzy and nauseous. My heart was racing and my breathing was laboured and I began to feel waves of emotions that I had never felt before. Rib Breaker took hold of me and held me tight, helping me breathe and telling me to relax and to let things go. He responded with such kindness and compassion, and suddenly the floodgates opened and I began to feel things that I had never allowed myself to feel before. I began to cry.

But it was no ordinary cry, for it was no ordinary moment.

The years of untouched emotional sediment began to come undone and the emotional sludge began to loosen. So much pain. So much hurt. So much unacknowledged emotional baggage began to release itself. The pain coursed through my body and I responded viscerally. My Soul began to weep and sob and I remember sobbing and screaming that it "hurts so much", and Rib breaker still stayed close telling me to "Let it Go". I released with such ferocity that my body convulsed and every ounce of energy that I had put into keeping that wall up, was let go.

Twenty or thirty minutes later the sobbing stopped and quiet fell in my exhaustion. I could barely move and the weight of my body pulled me into a deep sleep. Realising that a large part of that emotional barrier had been removed, was profoundly intimate and calming. When I woke the following morning, I felt different. There was a new sense of understanding in the knowledge that I HAD acknowledged my past and present and that there was a future for me. For many years I was always aware of myself, but rarely did I ever Acknowledge myself.

Without sounding like a new-age nut, I feel different. Things are even brighter than they were and the sensation and touch of my new found spirit is exciting. I can't describe it intelligibly, but I suppose it can be likened to an archaelogical expedition, where you are in search of a long lost treasure. I have found that well of emotion that I have hidden for so long and am now beginning to make peace with it.

Happy HNT: 4

I know this is a bit more risque than what I usually put up, but I thought it was cool without being overtly sexual. So here is my latest HNT contribution.

Busy week, so here is a photo update

Hi All,

I have been and will be terribly busy this week. If I do any blogging or commenting it will be at night or during the weekend. Since I don't have much time this week, I thought I'd share some new photos of my newly completed paintings, my new fish tank composition and of Kalyx (my dog). Hope you are all well and Happy Week to you all!

My 2 new paintings, with my new fish tank in front, on my new "old" 60's style credenza

My new fish tank

Kalyx sleeping like a baby

Kalyx sleeping on my bed and new sweater. She always does this, and has gotten into the habit of enjoying a well made bed.

Luckily she is cute. But getting the hair off my new sweater was a bit of a task.

The 2 Teddy's I bought Rib Breaker (Brown one smells like Chocolate which I gave him when he was sick).

Rib Breaker down with the Flu being comforted by Remi (the bear I gave him at Christmas)

Deciphering my fathers' message.

I just rang my father to tell him I had transferred some cash in to his account and this was our conversation:

(Phone ringing)
Dad: Yes.
Me: Whaa..? Hello?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Dad?
Dad: Yes.
Me: What are you doing? Why are you answering the phone like that?
Dad: Like what?
Me: What do you mean "Like What?" You just answered the phone by saying "Yes" instead of "Hello". Is this your new thing?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Dad, that's getting tiresome and annoying. Why are you doing that?
Dad: Because I don't know who you are.
Me: What do you mean you don't know who I am?
Dad (kissing teeth): Ay-ya, I don't know who you are when you call me and the phone is ringing. No caller I.D..
Me: Dad, you are progressively making less sense. Do I need to send a doctor over to check your head?
Dad: No. I am good. I just don't know who is calling.
Me (shaking head with frustration): So get caller I.D. I have no idea where you are going with this.
Dad: Ay- ya, I just don't like when people call and don't say anything.
Me: Dad, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about now. How can someone say something to you, when you haven't said "hello" first to initiate the call? You have totally lost me.
Dad: People call all the time and don't say anything. I hate it. So now I say "Yes."
Me (shaking head in frustration): Are you getting crank callers?
Dad: No, I just don't know who they are and they don't say anything.
Me: Wha...? Forget it. So this is not a joke? Your being serious?
Dad: Yes.

Rolling and Rollicking in Bed

I realise that in having written 2 blogs (consecutively) about stories involving Mary Jane, that I am beginning to sound a bit like Harold from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I'm honestly not quite that far yet. But since I'm now on the topic, I had mind as well share another story that occurred last night prior to bed.

I had gone to take my shower as per my nightly beauty ritual. Trust me, I look not only scary and freakish without hairspray, gel and contacts, but I am also the epitomy of a geeky looking F.O.B (Fresh Of the Boater) when I don't doll myself up to go out. One day, if I feel brave enough I will post a picture of the Before and After for you all to laugh at.

Anyhow, upon my return to the bedroom, Rib Breaker already had a rolled dessert for us to share. Our darling pooch, Kalyx was grunting at us as we giggled at her brazeness for taking it upon herself to jump into my bed. She is 14 years old, going on 15, and in her golden years she is realising that we are much more forgiving when it comes to breaking of the rules. As we smoked and watched Tele, we soon got into a tickling match with Rib Breaker being the Tickled, and I the Tickler. Rib Breaker doubly laughed and screamed for me to stop, but I was persistent, indicating that I was doing him a favour by releasing endorphins and making him happy. It wasn't long before both of us were laughing hysterically, which required a moments respite. Goofing off and acting like children takes a lot of energy and we were both out of breath.

A few minutes later I found myself trying to remember our topic of conversation just 5 minutes prior. If any of you fellow bloggers know anything about rolled desserts, you will also be familiar with sudden forgetfulness, or derailed thoughts. This is an anatomy of our conversation:

RB (looking at me quizzically): What are you doing?
Me (deep in thought): Umm, trying to remember something. What were we talking about a moment ago?
RB: When?
Me: Just a few minutes ago. We were laughing about something really hard a few minutes ago.
RB: Where?
Me: Duh! Here, obviously!
RB: I dunno. How long ago?
Me: Geez, I'm so fucked. I can't even remember what we were laughing about 5 minutes ago.
RB: Oh, you were tickling me!
Me (irritated) : No No... Just before that.
RB (giggling) : Oh, I don't remember anything before that!

(giggling and laughter ensues)

Thirty minutes later, we were ready for bed and were lying cuddled in each others arms. I admit I've never been much of a cuddler as I get very hot, very quickly and tend to move around a lot finding my exact positinon of comfort, but RB loves to cuddle, and that's good enough for me. Ten minutes into our cuddling, my mind had begun to wander and I again was wondering what it was that we were laughing about, when it finally hit me that the dog had been throwing us "Tude" for getting on the bed and taking up her precious space. This of course, sent me into convulsive giggling which apparently became contagious for RB. Sadly, it took both of us close to 20 mnutes to stop.

We can be such idiots at times, but I will tell you one thing, I'd rather be an idiot than boring and dour. Laughter truly is the best medicine and both RB and I approach our relationship in a rather childish and humourous way. It works well for us and I try not to take myself too seriously. Happiness and laughter seem to go hand-in-hand and I definitely love seeing him smile.

uggh

seems like i was not safe. finally caught up. uggh. sick. too tired to post. can't eat drnk think or type. stomach flu bites.

Cutesey Pukey Valentines

Being the shit disturber sort that I am, I decided to switch things around and up, on this whole Valentines business. So on Monday, I went and purchased a dozen yellow oceanic roses for Rib Breaker and took him out for a nice dinner. We both agreed that it was far better than going out on February 14, watching couples eat in crowded restaurants. It's really not my type of thing, nor is it his. Besides, in all the rush, I was rather paranoid that the restaraunt chefs would be in such a tizzy that the food would be half cooked and we'd get food poisoning.

So, in our casual style, we stayed in on Heart day and Rib Breaker decided he wanted to order pizza and watch Tele. After eating, Rib Breaker rolled a dessert for us which we promptly smoked. It had been a long arduous day and I wanted to wash away all memory of it, so I decided to jump in the shower. A few minutes later, as I was washing my hair, I heard Rib Breaker come in the washroom talking loudly. Peering through my suds, this was the following conversation:

RB (Talking on cellular speakerphone): ...Hey, it's me! I'm talking on the phone, but not sure if you can hear me cause I got this thing on Speakerphone. It's so cool. I just found it, but don't know how to turn it off.
Me: What? Are you talking to me?
RB (looking at me and grinning): ...And Epicurist and I were just wondering what you were up to this weekend and were thinking of going to....
Me (washing shampoo out): Who the Hell are you talking to? I'm taking a shower you know?

Of course I recieved no answer. Rib Breaker had already exited the bathroom, but reappeared an instant later and comes up to the shower door and peers in grinning at me.

Me: Huh? What's up? Who were you talking to?
RB (opening shower door a bit): Oh, it was Scott.
Me: And?
RB (opening door wider and slowly getting into shower): Oh, I just wanted to call and say hi and I found the Speaker phone thing on the cell, which is really cool, but I'm not sure I did it right. You didn't tell me you could do that!
Me: I guess I forgot about the feature. Anyhow, so what is he up to?
RB: Oh, I was asking him if he wanted to go that Hotel club thingie that you mentioned last time. What's the place called?
Me: Umm, the Gladstone?
RB: Yeah! That's it. I was asking him if he wanted to do that sometime.
Me: Ok. And what did he say?
RB: Oh, I dunno yet. It was his voicemail, so I was leaving a message.
Me: And you had to come into the bathroom while I was showering to tell him that?
RB (grinning sheepishly): Oh, I guess I was kinda telling you too.
Me (stopping and looking at RB oddly): Ok....ummm. What are you doing?
RB: What?
Me: Well, you're just standing there at the end of the tub. Did you come in here to take a shower or just to tell me about the speakerphone and phonecall?
RB (looking around sheepishly and laughing): Oh...umm...just to talk to you.
Me: Sometimes, you are just too damned cute. Do you know that?

Honestly, it's these small quirky things that he does that makes me love him even more. Unfortunately, the cuteness wore off at 2am when Rib Breaker started to get violently ill, throwing up and running to the porcelain throne. We're not clear if it's food poisoning or the Stomach flu, but the poor boy had his head in the toilet most of the evening with me by his side. It wasn't the Valentines Day I had planned, and I'm tired from lack of sleep, so I am taking my leave now. Gotta go home to rub my boys tummy.

P.S. I am really busy at work right now so just want all you beautiful souls to know that I haven't forsaken or forgotten you. I hope to catch up on reading posts over the week or weekend. Cheers!

Baking, Toking & Technology

Last night after dinner, Rib Breaker and I decided to smoke a joint, relax and make some "brownies". The tele was on, and I was watching American Idol, as Rib Breaker did all the work in the kitchen. To be honest, I'm not much of a baker, so I leave that to him. I just take advantage of the wholesome delicious goods that he bakes.


As he was puttering about the kitchen he was also tinkering with his new/old phone. A good friend of Rib Breakers just got a new Motorola Razr phone, so he decided to give Rib Breaker his old Motorloa V555. The cell phone, is still quite new and has all the new fandangled toys on it like a camera and multimedia stuff. Rib Breaker being the technical neophyte that he is, has been playing with it and trying to figure it out. Not to add injury to insult, but whenever I give him a technical toy to play with he reminds me of my dog Kalyx, trying to figure out how to get a cookie out of a jar. It just isn't natural for him, but he gets great enjoyment out of it, and always boasts gleefully once he's figured out the connundrum. Anyhow, Rib Breaker decided to make a call to my friend who he was sharing the brownies with and needed the phone number. This was the conversation that followed:

Me: It's 555-1234
RB (after some fumbling): Um, ok. But I want to add him to my phonebook, so wait one sec.
Me: Uh huh.
RB (with raised eyebrow): Ok, I'm in the phonebook. It says Name.
Me: Yeah? So, put in his name.
RB (keying in name, while mocking my sarcasm): "Yeah..so put in his name.." nah naah naaah naaah.
ME: Well, you ask stupid questions, you get a stupid response. Did you put his name in?
RB (smiling and giggling at phone): Oh cool, this phone will suggest names and words for you.
Me (rolling eyes): Um, yeah, really cool. You might want to know he spells his name with a G and not a J.
RB: Crap. I gotta erase and change it.
Me: Are you done yet? You've already taken 5 minutes just to enter his first name.
RB: Shuddup! It's asking for his last name.
Me: It's spelled Xxxxxxx.
RB (Keying in name): Ok. Done. It's asking me to record a Voice Name. What's that?
Me: You record his name in your voice. It's a feature on the phone, where you just say the name and it will call the person, but I never really use it. It'll take you forever to set it up, I bet.
RB: Oh Cool. Should I use his full name?
Me: Whatever tickles your fancy Rib Breaker.
RB (into phone): "George"*
RB (into phone): "Yes"
RB (into phone): "Yes!"
RB (into phone): "No!"
RB (pouting): It's not recording it properly.
Me: Turn the TV off and try it again. Maybe it's the background noise.
RB (puts tele on mute and speaks into phone loudly): "Geooorrgge"
RB (into phone): "YES"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "NO!"
RB: It's still not working!
Me: Will you just say the name normally? You don't have to stress every letter and syllable unless you plan on saying his name like that ALL the time.
RB (into phone): "GEORGE!"
RB (into phone): "YES!"
RB (into phone): "YES!!!"
RB (into phone): "For Fucksake, NOOOOO!"
RB (into phone): "GEORGE"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "YES!!"
RB (into phone): "Fuck, finally, YES!!"

I tried to keep a straight face but it was just way too funny. I honestly need to record these events on camera, so that I can do the moment justice.

* Identities have been protected.

The brownies by the way are delicious.

The Taste of Love

Last night, as we were preparing for bed, Rib Breaker decided to pump up his chest and declare that he was now stronger than me. He's been working out, and apparently has this lofty idea that it has made a difference. This escalated and led to a childish wrestling match where I won (as per usual), but in retaliation Rib Breaker decided to bite me. Since, I was on top of him, I threw the blanket off of him and bit him on his arse...little did I know that he had left a fragrant surprise under the covers for me, which clung to my face and taste buds.

We laughed hysterically, but trust me my blogger friends, revenge will be even sweeter tonight!

Tagged: 4 things

I've been tagged again, this time by Wanton Wonton.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Landscaper.
2. Convenience Store clerk.
3. Peer Counsellor for GBLT people in University.
4. Technical Support for Cable Internet

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1. Pretty Woman
2. Joy luck club
3. Finding Nemo
4. The Breakfast Club

Four Places You've Lived
1. Taipei, Taiwan
2. North York, Ontario
3. Toronto, Ontario
4. Oakridges, Ontario

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. Rick Mercer's Report
2. The Block
3. Roughcuts (documentary)
4. Passionate Eye (documentary

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Europe
2. China
3. All over USA
4. Montreal

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1. Bellyache with the Sister
2. Dantallion
3. Tornwordo
4. Snooze
*Note I read a lot more, but they ask for 4, so don't get angry if I didn't mention ya.

Four Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Hakka Food
2. Vietnames Pho
3. Chinese
4. Any home cooked rustic food

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. An island in the Pacific
2. A beach in the Pacific
3. Muskoka
4. somewhere warm

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
1. Beach House: Hed Kandi
2. Freedom Sessions: Sarah McLachlan
3. Parachutes: Coldplay
4. Siamese Dream: Smashing Pumpkins

Four Vehicles You've Owned
1. none, I walk, run, bike or use the Better Way

Four People To Be Tagged
None. Whoever wishes to do it, may.

Bush & Bin Laden Post referral

If you have some time, and want to read an absolutely BRILLIANT post and argument about Bush and Bin Laden, go visit Andy's site.

Another careful Voter turnout

So, only 60% of the voting public made it to the Polls, and the result is we have a new political party. It goes without saying that these will be interesting times indeed. With all the scandals and bad press about the Liberals I am not surprised that the New Conservative Party has won. The Liberals just couldn't get away from it, and there were far more swing voters this year.

Also, with the Liberal defeat, it does not surprise me that Paul Martin will be leaving his position as leader of the party (Opposition). His time is up, and he has made his mark, and I give him kudos for realising this and leaving the position open for someone new. Whoever is chosen to lead the Liberals, I am sure it will make for good tv. But with another minority government, I am happily skeptical in the potential power and influence the Harper government will have. I am sure Stephen Harper is tossing in his sleep, trying to figure out how he intends to pass any Conservative policies in the House of Commons, with a minority government. All 3 parties have a fair share of the seats in the House, Liberals obviously hold the higher hand, but I won't underestimate the Bloc Quebecois or the NDP. A lot of the Liberal policies went through during their minority term, but I only believe that to be the case, because we Canadians tend to be more moderate and further left on the Political spectrum. The voters have chosen Harper by a marginal lead, and the message they are telling Harper is that they don't want to see too many right-Wing Conservative agendas. I forsee a lot of political wrangling, and as I said, it will be interesting.

The last 12 years of Liberal government has seen the political landscape change quite dramatically. Who would have thought the strong shift towards Conservativism in Quebec and the loss of Bloc Quebecois seats? It stands to reason, that a fair majority of the country is looking for change and they have done so democratically by voting a minority Conservative government. In my conversations with people, it isn't so much that they have switched their political alignment to that of the Conservatives, but are rather telling the Liberals that they need to regroup, clean up their act, and then come back and prove themselves to the country.

As they say, trust is built up over years but dissolved in seconds.

The people of Canada need some time to reflect and frankly so do the Liberals. I just wonder how long Harper will remain in power and if he will actually be able to push through any of his Conservative (sic Right wing) agendas. I highly doubt it with the strength of the Opposition. The one scary thing that I have realised during this election, is that Harper has somehow fooled those normally resilient and card carrying Liberals to vote for the Conservatives. How did Harper do that? Well, it seems that Harper has blended into the "red" and made his party seem less offensively Right wing, by silencing certain members and by cleaning up his his public persona and language. He has blended his party into the mainstream middle and has therefore appealed to many who don't think he is that much a threat. If you ask me, he is still a lion in sheeps clothing and I will be watching carefully.

HNT Trois - Half Nekkid Thursdays

I know I am not being very original or artistic, but I've been busy, so this is all I got kids. And yes, that's my bedroom. ;-p



Happy HNT!

Flashbacks:
HNT 1
HNT Deux

An Ode to my brother

I was reading the glorious and ever enchanting mistress Ms. Bees Knees' Ode to her sister, when I began to reminisce about my experiences of being a younger child. My older brother was one of those siblings that was an unending source of torture when we were kids. If you think my sense of humour tends to fall in the twisted realm, believe me, it was only the result of being deprived any sanity by my older brother.

When we were very young, we shared a room - two twin beds separated by a night stand. Somehow, prior to bedtime, my brother got into the habit of farting ever so delicately on my pillow and placing my blanket back over, locking the offending scent into my pillow. Unknowingly I would jump into bed, face first into the pillow only to rise choking, wretching and scratching at my face. My brother would laugh himself silly. This of course would only instigate me to find something worse to do unto him. We would each resort to farting on pillows, placing lego and cars underneath the sheets so that we would bruise upon jumping on the bed. Never did it ever occur to us to not jump on the bed.

Needless to say, we always had bruises and cuts on our bodies.

Coming up with new and inventive ways to hurt or drive me crazy was my brothers ultimate goal. One Christmas, we went as a family to Florida Key West and stayed in a rented apartment. He and I again had to share a room, separated by a nightstand. As the lights went out, he began to pick his nose with a certain ferociousness, all the time telling me so. He then made an exaggerated flicking sound with his finger. Of course I screamed like a banshie for him to leave me alone, when all of a sudden I felt a large wet splat on my face. Stumbling out of bed, voice shrill, I turned the light on to find a very large dime sized booger dripping down my face.

This is what I lived with and despite the horrors of it, we always laughed, because we were sick little fuckers. These days we just compare how stinky our farts are, and I use what my sage older brother taught me to torture RB and others.

Federal Elections: Politicians doing what they do best

I have been catching up on some reading and was at Dantallion's site and read this post. The whole Federal Election discussion got me to thinking about all the finger pointing and general amnesia people have when it comes to scandals in this country. I always find it rather amusing when MPs or the press, or society continuously bring up the Liberal scandals. Yes, some members of the Liberal party faltered, but if the slaggers really want to play that game, we can dredge up a whole lot of scandals in the Conservative party from years ago:

1873 corruption scandal brought down the Conservative government of Sir John A. Macdonald and cost Canada's first prime minister the 1874 election. He was accused of accepting $350, 000 in donations from Sir Hugh Allan, in return for giving him the contract to build the Canadian Pacific Railway (CPR).

1958-61: The Gerda Munsinger scandal, where the Canadian public learned that some guilty Progressive Conservative cabinet ministers had been consorting with an East German playgirl who may have been a KGB spy.

1985: TunaGate, where Fisheries minister John Fraser had overturned an order from his own inspectors and ordered a million cans of StarKist tuna released for sale to the public. The inspectors had said the tuna, packed at the StarKist plant in St. Andrews, N.B., was so badly spoiled that it wasn't even fit to be turned into catfood. The plant's owners had lobbied Fraser to release the cans for sale, saying they might shut the plant if the tuna couldn't be sold. Needless, to say, that Starkist plant was shutdown. Fraser went on to become the House Speaker.

1995: 14 Conservative members of the Legislature and 2 caucus workers were convicted of fraud and breach of trust for illegally diverting hundreds of thousands of dollars from government allowances in a phoney expense-claim scam.

1995: Airbus scandal involving Mulroney.

Let's also not forget, that Mulroney lost an average of one cabinet minister to allegations of wrongdoing during each year of his 1984-1993 reign.

It truly is amazing how soon we forget, isn't it? Next year, everything will be forgotten again and a whole new slurry of scandals will plague either one of the parties, and each will sit upon their Porcelain throne and point fingers, noses in the air, pretending as though their shit didn't stink. Everyone shits, and everyone has to wipe their ass. I just don't need to see it on my paper everyday.