At the same time, I foolishly believe, deep down in my heart that I will hear from him. I know that seems somewhat fatalistic and irrational, but I have the strong suspiscion that his absence and parting had to do with the intensity of our relationship. This separation is difficult but if things were truly meant to be, then we will end up back together, or at least friends. In fact, the one thing I've realised about all of this is that, it isn't the separation that bothers me, but that he hasn't returned my calls or told me that he needs his space. I hate not knowing. I hate this emotional purgatory, where your thoughts and emotions float about from one corner of the mind to the other, never truly able to get away from the thoughts of him.
But today I woke up feeling different. I felt more settled and more at peace with my thoughts and decisions that I would let things fall into place as nature would have them. No control and no expectations. No preconceived notions of whether things would or wouldn't work out. It still bothers me not knowing where he is, but I need to keep going about my life as I always have. What comes, will come and I will deal with it at that point.
All of this reminds me of the Beautiful South's lyrics to I Need A little Time (I'm just not so bitter, or nasty)