I need a little time to think it over

I've been thinking a lot over the last few days, about Time and thinking things through. As much as I hate not knowing why RB hasn't called, it's given me some time to think things over and figure out what it is that I want as well.

At the same time, I foolishly believe, deep down in my heart that I will hear from him. I know that seems somewhat fatalistic and irrational, but I have the strong suspiscion that his absence and parting had to do with the intensity of our relationship. This separation is difficult but if things were truly meant to be, then we will end up back together, or at least friends. In fact, the one thing I've realised about all of this is that, it isn't the separation that bothers me, but that he hasn't returned my calls or told me that he needs his space. I hate not knowing. I hate this emotional purgatory, where your thoughts and emotions float about from one corner of the mind to the other, never truly able to get away from the thoughts of him.

But today I woke up feeling different. I felt more settled and more at peace with my thoughts and decisions that I would let things fall into place as nature would have them. No control and no expectations. No preconceived notions of whether things would or wouldn't work out. It still bothers me not knowing where he is, but I need to keep going about my life as I always have. What comes, will come and I will deal with it at that point.

All of this reminds me of the Beautiful South's lyrics to I Need A little Time (I'm just not so bitter, or nasty)

I need a little time

To think it over

I need a little space

Just on my own I need a little time

To find my freedom

I need a little

Funny how quick the milk turns sour

Isn't it, isn't it

Your face has been looking like that for hours

Hasn't it, hasn't it

Promises, promises turn to dust

Wedding bells just turn to rust

Trust into mistrust

I need a little room

To find myself I need a little space

To work it out I need a little room

All alone

I need a little

You need a little room for your big head

Don't you, don't you

You need a little space for a thousand beds

Won't you, won't you

Lips that promise - fear the worst

Tongue so sharp - the bubble bursts

Just into unjust

I've had a little time

To find the truth

Now I've had a little room

To check what's wrong

I've had a little time

And I still love you

I've had a little

You had a little time

And you had a little fun

Didn't you, didn't you

While you had yours

Do you think I had none

Do you, do you

The freedom that you wanted bad

Is yours for good

I hope you're glad

Sad into unsad

I had a little time

To think it over

Had a little room To work it out

I found a little courage

To call it off

I've had a little time

I've had a little time

I've had a little time

I've had a little time