Thursday, April 27, 2006

HNT and nothing new

Sorry all. I know I promised that I would be a bit more active in the blogdom, but work has been been busy, as has life. So here are 2 pictures of me at work.

Friday, April 21, 2006

HNT: Half Nekkid Thursdays...(ahem) Friday

I realise I am fully nude here, but you only see half of me so I think it qualifies. I had just woken up to dawn and decided that I had better participate...better late than never. Got the camera. Setup. Done.
I've been busy, but I'll be back soon to actually post something of interest.

Happy HNT!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Balanced with an Explanation

Well, I guess an explanation is due. I didn't mean to sound so cryptic or to set off alarms with y'all, but I was going through some peculiar events the last 3 weeks which I was not accustomed to.

Let me explain.

I have been seeing a rheumatologist for the last 9 years for various joint and rheumatic issues, and was diagnosed with a series of diseases such as Ankylosing Spondylitis, Sjogren's Syndrome and intermittent sciatica. In the medical melee, I was also diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and was seeing a Gastroenterologist for that. I know, I know. Makes me sound like an medical mess, but trust me, I live a rather healthy and normal lifestyle.

Anyhow, both specialists separately decided to prescribe the Tricyclic anti-depressant Amitriptyline (Elavil, Endep) to treat the pain and symptoms. Apparently, using these anti-depressants, helps with neural damage by blocking pain messages to the brain, or by helping in the production of endorphins (body's natural pain killers). The dosage was low, but the effects were psycho-traumatic for me. I started to feel anxious and was losing concentration both at home and at work. I couldn't focus on the smallest of tasks and began to have unnerving thoughts that I was going crazy. I felt as though I was outside of my body and that I had no control over my life or thoughts. I was manic one moment, then depressed 10 minutes later.
To top it all off, I started having bizarre dreams where I was running or being chased. I literally thought I was losing my mind. The emotional and characteristic changes did not go unnoticed by friends, colleagues or RB. My general disposition is one of a happy-go lucky individual, but the drug brought out a very dark and paranoid side.

All of this began to culminate on Sunday, when I was painting and went into a manic painting frenzy. Over the following 3 days, I had numerous anxiety attacks, and decided to stop the medication completely. I am back to normal now, and am glad to be sane again. It really was not an experience I would want to re-live, but it put some perspective on what it is like for all those out there who deal with depression or anxiety. I won't ever discount their feelings again.

Trust me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you who commented or sent messages my way. You truly have no idea how much it meant to me to have support from you all! XOXOXO

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Balancing Act

Hi All,

Life has been rather hectic as of late and my priorities have had to shift to accomodate. I have a few personal things to work out, but worry not, I am well otherwise. Thanks for all the emails and comments as to my whereabouts.

I have realised that without steady structure in my life, I tend to spiral out of control. I am susceptible to erratic behaviour when I lose sight of my goals and ambitions, and this can be a very scary thing. I am not one that gives control and power away easily, and have found that when any one aspect of my life is in unsychronized, I am thrown for a loop. For me, everything must be in balance for things to function well. I am usually very good at keeping things in check, but as of recent, I've been walking around a little off kilter.

As you can tell, I have taken some time off. I am cleaning house right now and getting my brain, spirit and body back on track, and will be back soon.