The new Moral leader?

So it seems, the Vatican's Princes of the Church have chosen their new demi-god, and the choice was Cardinal Josef Ratzinger of Germany, who is an Ultra-conservative, and who was the right hand of Pope John Paul II. Interestingly, he also had a stint as a neo-Nazi youth. Of course he denies any wrong-doing or any involvement in participating in the extermination of Jews and others reviled by Hitler.

It's odd that no one seems to have issue with this. The Church is so clear on setting guidelines for everyone on how to live morally, yet they allow a Nazi into the Church as one of their princes and moral, spiritual leaders. Who gives a damn whether or not he didn't participate in killing anybody. The fact remains that he joined the Hitler youth guard, and didn't have the moral or ethical gall to say or do something. He preserved his life by standing by and letting others kill the Jews, Poles, etc. His inaction and lack of participation in rebelling against Hitler and the atrocities of that period were a sentence for those people to die. It says a lot about what and who he is. He is a political figure jousting for position in one of the richest, most secretive and possibly corrupt institutions in the world.

Now, I am sure there are a few good ones out there, but any institution that preserves and protects the very people who molest children or murder Jews, shakes the foundation of what I consider moral and ethical.

What is even more scary is Ratzingers' take on where the Church is going and the people who do not follow the faith. He is quoted as saying;

"Those who seek the truth find themselves objectively on the path that leads to
Christ"

His antiquated doctrine is a throwback to the middle ages. Any take on the Bible as literal and as the justification to rule over others and to instill a religious totalitarianism within the Vatican, is a dangerous turn. Read the Washigton Post article from November 2004 and have a look at the following quote:

Observers said Ratzinger’s views have been heavily influenced by the harrowing experience of two contending ideologies: fascism, which he experienced as a youth in Germany, and the Marxism rife in German universities during the 1960s.

“Having seen fascism in action, Ratzinger today believes that the best antidote to political totalitarianism is ecclesial totalitarianism. In other words, he believes the Catholic Church serves the cause of human freedom by restricting freedom in its
internal life, thereby remaining clear about what it teaches and believes,”
wrote John Allen, a journalist and biographer of Ratzinger.

Further evidence of his narrow perspective and lack of understanding of a global
cultural world, was during an interviewed quote he made to French newspaper Le
figaro that Turkey, a largely Muslim country, ought not be admitted to the
European Union.

"Europe is a cultural continent, not a geographical one. The roots that have
formed it . . . are those of Christianity," he said. "Turkey, which is
considered a secular country but is founded upon Islam, could instead attempt to
bring a cultural continent together with some neighboring Arab countries."

Ratzinger later said this was a personal view, but then again every view is personal, so I am only left with the unsettling knowledge that these views will permeate the Vatican.

So, just like that, in a puff of smoke, the choice has been made, and I think it's scary.

http://www.canada.com/national/features/pope/index.html

General malaise and blahs

I have been in a foul mood for the last 4 days, and admittedly, those around me are getting the brunt of it. This is the reason why I have been avoiding everyone - not wanting to be nasty or say something inappropriate. This mood is an aberration from my usual upbeat self, but I think I have been beating myself over the head with it, believing I should be the usual chipper, funny self that I am. I suppose everyone is entitled to a few "off" or "bitch" days. Many of you have taught me that it is okay to do this. It's only human.

All of this I suppose is a direct result of recent medical results regarding my back and leg. It's been an ongoing thing for more than a decade, and the frustration is growing. In my late teens and early 20's I complained to my doctors that I was experiencing a lot of back pains and they simply shrugged it off as over-activity or due to sports. No tests were done, and I was too young to know the difference. The pain increased over the years and by 24, I was in so much pain that my Family physician finally decided to do some tests. They diagnosed me with a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis, a disorder that causes fusing of the joints in the vertebrae.

Anyhow, I was put on a variety of drugs (Votaren, Ibuprofen, Vioxx, Bextra) to compensate for the pain, and was told that I would be crippled by my 40's or 50's. Then, a new family doctor came along who had the same disease himself, and he sent me to a new rheumatologist, who said I didn't have it, but diagnosed me with the general malaise of fibromyalgia, which my Family doctor disagreed with. On top of all this, 2 1/2 years ago, I got severe sciatica in my right leg, which left me relying on the use of crutches or a cane for 6 months or more. The sciatica hasn't gone and it is aggravating the hell out of me. All of the anti-inflammatory drugs (vioxx, bextra), which I was put on, have now been pulled off the shelves as they cause heart disease, strokes, etc.

The problem here is that I have had no consistency with the medical experts. The only consistent thing, has been the pain, which is with me on a daily basis. I am beginning to lose faith and confidence in the Medical field. A 10 or 15 minute appointment with my Specialist is NOT a sufficient amount of time to gauge my situation and to develop an educated and empirical diagnosis.

I have an appointment today with my Specialist whom I plan on discussing my issues with. I want answers and options that I can take to resolve this. I want to be my chipper, mobile, happy self, without the need for drugs. I want to get back to enjoying life and living. I hate not knowing, and I hate being grumpy.

Breathe in, breathe out. (ahhhhhhh)
The meditation and the blogging sure do help, so thanks for listening.

I am Normal?

Not sure if this is a compliment or a diss.

You Are 60% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

Billy is no longer an Idol

Billy Idol Concert
Devil's Playground Tour
Koolhaus in Toronto
8pm

Alright, not to be bitchy, but the concert kinda sucked.
I went with J to the concert and the first thing we noticed was the large crowd surrounding the building. The second thing I noticed was that most of the crowd was trying to reclaim their 80's youth-hood via lycra pants, lame (and lame) shirts and big hair. I swear I was one of the younger people there (not that I care, really). Amongst the crowd, I saw a number of families (mum, dad with their 2 tweens and 7 year old). I know this was an All Ages Concert, but I guess Mum and Dad couldn't afford the babysitter for the night, so they thought 50 bucks a pop for each kid would be a better choice. Ummm...WRONG.

So, I'm standing in line with these Ajax cougars in front of me, Mum and Dad with kids a little behind me and I'm feeling like I should be at a Saturday morning concert starring not Billy Idol, but Elmo on Sesame Street Live. Right behind me, Dude, with his girlfriend ran to the front to see if he could bribe himself in front of the line, cause his GF was wearing only a tight mini leather skirt and halter top. He came back complaining that bribes have gone up over the years and they would take no less than 75 bucks each. So they stayed behind me and froze till they got to the front.

J and I get in and b-line for the bar. A few good drinks should make the crowd a little more pretty and less annoying. The crowd is pretty diverse I suppose (Ican't trash that), but I can't get over the crowds of groupies running to the front of the stage. J and I situate ourselves about half-way back with a couple in their 40's who we strike up conversation with. Quite nice and very funny. we kept making fun of the 2 drunk, obnoxious girls and their Urine smelling boyfriend who pushed their way in front of us. None-to-pleased about that.

The concert begins, and I have to admit, I haven't heard much from his new album. It's okay, I guess. His rendition of Mony, Mony was good, but rather long. He also did a rendition of Hot In The City, but upp'ed the Cheese factor to Poutine curds, when he changed the lyrics to Hot in Toronto. Original guitarist Stevens took centre stage a number of times, and I admit I enjoyed his performance more than Idols antics. The theatrics and hip pumping of the 46 year old Idol, were just a bit...umm distracting. I went with some skepticism, and was happy that he lived up to the Cheese factor. The fact that Idol hasn't changed, or aged for that matter (thanks to the knife and Botox), kinda made the whole experience nostalgic in a rather fucked up surreal way. His characteristic Ego, sneer and stripping of shirt was interesting to still see, but kinda out-dated. I was rather surprised by the number of bras and panties that flew on stage, which he promptly signed, or used to wipe up his sweat and gonads, then threw back. I can just imagine those groupies going into their Corporate office jobs this morning, pulling in all the secretaries and other girls to get a whiff of the man's juices.

Uggh, I take it back, I'd rather not picture it.

All-in-all, a rather dissappointing concert. Though I did have fun poking fun. Would have been better if I saw Dickeybird and hung out with him, but we didn't see each other. Missed him at the Scissor Sisters Concert as well. Anyhow, I'll be reading his blog shortly to see what he thought. I'll be presumptuous here, but I think we may fall on some similar views.

Oh, and here's a Tip: Drunk big girls with big hair should not jump up and down, nor should they keep throwing their hair back, a la head banging. I spent the night icing my flattened feet and getting the taste of cheap herbal essence shampoo and hairspray out of my mouth.

Global Personality Test Results - Idea Stolen from St.Dickeybird

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 86% Stability 90% Orderliness 53% Empathy 56% Interdependence 36% Intellectual 83% Mystical 30% Artistic 70% Religious 10% Hedonism 70% Materialism 70% Narcissism 50% Adventurousness 90% Work ethic 56% Self absorbed 43% Conflict seeking 36% Need to dominate 70% Romantic 23% Avoidant 43% Anti-authority 70% Wealth 50% Dependency 30% Change averse 16% Cautiousness 43% Individuality 90% Sexuality 90% Peter pan complex 10% Physical security 90% Food indulgent 23% Histrionic 63% Paranoia 16% Vanity 63% Hypersensitivity 16% Female cliche 23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Trait Snapshot:
social, outgoing, worry free, optimistic, upbeat, tough, likes large parties, makes friends easily, rarely irritated, open, enjoys leadership, trusting, dominant, thrill seeker, strong, does not like to be alone, assertive, mind over heart, confident, controlling, feels desirable, likes the spotlight, loves food, social chameleon, hard working, concerned about others

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Romantic Moments My Style

The other day, Rib Breaker and I were having a shower together, when I decided to rub his back and give him a shampoo massage. I thought it would be the sweet, romantic thing to do, since he is a Registered Massage Therapist (RMT) and always gives massages to me. But, since I tend not to be particularly romantic, I decided to do what I do best - pull a prank and make a joke of it.

We had gotten into the shower and I picked up the bottle of shampoo and started to lather it into his hair and chest. His eyes were closed and he was pleasantly humming to himself, enjoying the treat. I did this for a few minutes and decided to step away to view my handy work and wait for him to open his eyes. When he did, he saw me standing there grinning, holding a bottle of Shampoo.....for dogs.

I began to read the label aloud:

Sergeant’s® Fur-So-Fresh® Dog Shampoo has a long-lasting herbal fragrance, that lasts up to 2 weeks. The deep-Cleansing formula and special conditioners leaves your beloved pets coat lustrous and easy to manage, with a brilliant sheen.

We laughed our asses off.

I am so glad to be with someone who understands my humour. It's no wonder that I love the boy so much. Of course, the next day he said he wouldn't take a shower because he still smelled so fresh.

Random Crap about me

I stole this idea from Jase. For more info on me (though I am not sure who would care), go here

1) WHAT ARE YOUR RANDOM 10 SONGS?
'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan
'Everyday Is Like Sunday' by Morrissey
'Everybody's Changing' by Keane
'Live My Life' by Moments of Soul
'You Make Me Feel Like' by A:xus
'Burn This City' by Franz Ferdinand
'Cherub Rock' by Smashing Pumpkins
'Somebody told Me' by The Killers
'Filthy Gorgeous' by Scissor Sisters
'Let the Wind Carry Me' by Joni Mitchell
2) WHAT IS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF MUSIC ON YOUR COMPUTER
I dunno. But, I probably have more porn than music. About 80 GBytes worth (thats music and porn total)
3) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Buddha Bar VI CD Compilation
4) WRITE DOWN 5 SONGS YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OR MEAN A LOT TO YOU
'Don't you forget about me' - Simple Minds
'Possession' - Sarah McLachlan
'Live My Life' by Moments of Soul
'Happiness' by King Britt feat. Alma Horton
'You Make Me Feel Like' by A:xus

***************************************
1) WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
'TCP/IP Network Administration' or 'The Female Eunuch' by Germaine Greer
2) WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Had drinks with the guy I am seeing, then went for dinner at a diner, went home and etc etc.
3) WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Nothing, and I am still ribbing him for it.
4) WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Never wept at a movie.
5) IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Dunno, will see when I really begin to age.
6) DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
Sadly, committment and relationships. Though I am working through that now.
7) WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
A nervous laugh and shuffling of feet.
8) DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes. A few here and there, but most are Canadians...so I guess the answer is no.
9) WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
Lip balm, cash and blackberry.
10) WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
Care-free inhibitions and ease of thought. Being able to act like a kid without being looked at as though you shouldn't.
11) WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
'Take Your Mama Out' by Scissor Sisters
12) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Yes. Annie when I was in Grade 4. There was such a stink between the 3 girls who wanted to be Annie, that they had 3 Annie's. And no, I was not one of them.
13) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yes, I believe so.
14) DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Yes, even more so as I grow older.
15) DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Yes. Though I will at times buy food, or gloves for some. I will never give cash, because I know where it goes, and I am not making a stereotype. I know first hand.
16) WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
I play the piano, but would love to learn the guitar.
17) FAVORITE FABRIC?
Cotton. it's comforting.
18) WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
I suppose I ought to be more proficient at the languages I already speak (Mandarin, Hakka), but I would like to learn Spanish and re-learn French.
19) WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Beer:Molson Dry, Sleemens, Keiths. Draught:Kilkenny or Keiths. Vodka Martini, or Gin/tonic, Rye/Coke.
20) HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Yes a couple here and there.
21) DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
Yes, and a few more to come. I am still working on the designs, and agree that they are spiritually addictive.
22) DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
No.
23) FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Well, lets make this about the same sex, and I will say, confidence and intelligence.
24) MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
A cotton blend pajama bottom by American Essentials from Holt Renfrew that was more than 100 bucks.
25) WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Chinese Food, One pot wonders, roasts, BBQ, Pasta. I pretty much cook pretty well.
26) WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Been there, done that.
27) WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY.
A Ladda
28) WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Humour, Fiction, Queer Fiction, Anthologies, and politics.
29) IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Pay off my parents mortgage, my brothers mortgage, and my mortgage, then renovate.
30) DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Not generally, but I have and I love them for supporting me.
31) WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Is this a trick question? Umm, I like to write, play the piano, do yoga and stretch, or go for a walk to gather my thoughts.
32) ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
A giver.
33) WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Sorry, that's too personal. But it was sometime ago.
34) HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Quite a bit, unless I am tired. Otherwide, if its beer, a pitcher or so. Martinis do not get me sleepy or drunk, but get me social.

Doggie Updates

Hi All,

I am still swamped with work, and haven't had time to blog or update you with the recent episodes with Kalyx.

No need to worry. I think most of my reaction was a plea for help based on stress and worry. I have spoken with the SPCA, an Animal Behaviourist and each have given me a number of options which I am currently trying. In addition to this I have also spoken with my Condo Management and Security and all understand the situation. As for the neighbour down the hall who has been complaining, she is apparently not well liked by anyone of the prior mentioned people, so I really have no worries. The word "be-yatch" has been thrown around more then a few times. Anyhow, thanks to all of you for the feedback, encouragement and empathy.

Kalyx is doing well, and as you can see, she's sleeping like the baby she is.

My doggie is looking for a new home

It breaks my heart, but my baby Kalyx (pronounced "Cal-licks" or "Kay-licks"), is no longer welcome in my condo, due to her daytime barking (PICTURES). This has been going on for quite sometime now, and despite extra attention, returning home for lunches, and various types of training and re-conditioning, she hasn't improved much. My decision hasn't been easy, as I have struggled with this for the last year, but I am hoping if my parents don't take her, that some other kind person will.

Kalyx is a beautiful, energetic, bright Shepherd Cross Breed with very fine soft cuddly fur, who is often entertaining and always silly. She can often be a loner, and doesn't like sleeping on the bed, unless she is by herself like the Queen diva she thinks she is.

She has always been a whiny dog, and has a bit of seperation anxiety. Hide a few treats, to search for when you leave, and she is generally okay.

She requires a home without any other pets as she does not get along with other dogs or cats. Preferably a home without children as well and with a backyard, where she can sit during the day, as she loves to bask in the sun. She is 13 years old (birthday first week of June) and in very good health. The only issue with her, is she is getting old and needy and possibly losing her senility. She is generally a quiet non-barking dog, unless agitated or upset. The perfect home would be one where the owner would be there most of the day (home office?).

She generally eats dry dog food and occassionally gets a treat from the table or store bought can food. She loves apples, pears, peaches and potato chips, and will sit and watch you eat every morsel of food on your plate, in the hopes that you drop or give her some.

I am desperately searching for someone, or a couple who will love her and give her what she needs in her old age.

It breaks my heart even thinking about parting with her. As much love as I have for her, I am unable to provide what it is she needs - a safe, happy home with someone who will likely be with her most of the day.

Please email me directly, or feel free to leave a comment on my blog if you or someone you know might be interested.

Sincerely,
Alex

THE (greatest) (bad) Love Song – No Words Can

+ What is this (love)…?
This burning ember
That swelters summer souls

A fired flame
Ablaze in raging water currents
That consumes consciousness
Blistered burns soothed with toxic chyme

Wounds opened and healed
In one breathe of
Heated calming elixir

All things joined in one
Expression of fertility spent
Death dies to darkness
Swallowed in bathed
Rays of sustained hope

What is this (love)…?
Contradictions all
A Kandinsky whirling back and front
Making sense out of abstract order
A chaos of clutched opened embraces

What is this (love)…?
Rain falling in sunshine
Filling empty holes
With instances of eternity
Creating clouds of blinding comfort
Amidst the down of angel’s wings

Subtle emanations of
Clanging gongs between
The notes of unheard music
Mania in stillness trance
Beating a vibrato frequency
Of synced hearts

All meaning insignificant
Save
The cholera of beloved desire

What is this (love)…?
The bleating sombre night
Of joyous silence
Ringing solemn symphonies
Requiems for phoenix hearts

This tumour mass
Reveals to be
The four chambered beating question
That answers all with healing poison
Enough venom to fever pitch
But not destroy (almost)

The price of peace paid
Never paid
Chased away and back
Moving from selfish to selfless
And then back again

What is this (love)…?
Elusive minute shadows
Cast in desert sands
From noonday suns
Scorching flesh willingly lain bare

What is this (love)…?
An Escher question
Turning back on its reflected self
Where is the beginning of the maze,
The unquestionable question answered
Unanswerably questioned.

(stonedbunny)

Random Crap about Me.

I stole this idea from Jase. For more info on me (though I am not sure who would care), go here

1) WHAT ARE YOUR RANDOM 10 SONGS?
'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan
'Everyday Is Like Sunday' by Morrissey
'Everybody's Changing' by Keane
'Live My Life' by Moments of Soul
'You Make Me Feel Like' by A:xus
'Burn This City' by Franz Ferdinand
'Cherub Rock' by Smashing Pumpkins
'Somebody told Me' by The Killers
'Filthy Gorgeous' by Scissor Sisters
'Let the Wind Carry Me' by Joni Mitchell

2) WHAT IS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF MUSIC ON YOUR COMPUTER
I dunno. But, I probably have more porn than music. About 80 GBytes worth (thats music and porn total)
3) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Buddha Bar VI CD Compilation
4) WRITE DOWN 5 SONGS YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OR MEAN A LOT TO YOU
'Don't you forget about me' - Simple Minds
'Angel' - Sarah McLachlan
'Live My Life' by Moments of Soul
'Happiness' by King Britt feat. Alma Horton

***************************************

1) WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
TCP/IP Network Administration
2) WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Had drinks with the guy I am seeing, then went for dinner at a diner, went home and had sex.
3) WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Nothing, and I am still ribbing him for it.
4) WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Never wept at a movie.
5) IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Dunno, will see when I really begin to age.
6) DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
Sadly, committment and relationships. Though I am working through that now.
7) WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
A nervous laugh and shuffling of feet.
8) DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes. A few here and there, but most are Canadians.
9) WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
Lip balm, cash and blackberry.
10) WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
Care-free inhibitions and ease of thought. Being able to act like a kid without being looked at as though you shouldn't.
11) WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
'Take Your Mama Out' by Scissor Sisters
12) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Yes. Annie when I was in Grade 4. There was such a stink between the 3 girls who wanted to be Annie, that they had 3 Annie's. And no, I was not one of them.
13) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yes, I believe so.
14) DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?Yes, even more so as I grow older.
15) DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Yes. Though I will at times buy food, or gloves for some. I will never give cash, because I know where it goes, and I am not making a stereotype. I know first hand.
16) WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
I play the piano, but would love to learn the guitar.
17) FAVORITE FABRIC?
Cotton. it's comforting.
18) WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
I suppose I ought to be more proficient at the languages I already speak (Mandarin, Hakka), but I would like to learn Spanish and re-learn French.
19) WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Beer:Molson Dry, Sleemens, Keiths. Draught:Kilkenny or Keiths. Vodka Martini, or Gin/tonic, Rye/Coke.
20) HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Yes a couple here and there.
21) DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
Yes, and a few more to come. I am still working on the designs, and agree that they are spiritually addictive.
22) DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
No.
23) FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Well, lets make this about the same sex, and I will say, confidence and intelligence.
24) MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
A cotton blend pajama bottom by American Essentials from Holt Renfrew that was more than 100 bucks.
25) WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Chinese Food, One pot wonders, roasts, BBQ, Pasta. I pretty much cook pretty well.
26) WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Been there, done that.
27) WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY.
A Ladda
28) WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Humour, Fiction, Queer Fiction, Anthologies, and politics.
29) IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Pay off my parents mortgage, my brothers mortgage, and my mortgage, then renovate.
30) DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Not generally, but I have and I love them for supporting me.
31) WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Is this a trick question? Umm, I like to write, play the piano, do yoga and stretch, or go for a walk to gather my thoughts.
32) ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
A giver.
33) WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Sorry, that's too personal. But it was sometime ago.
34) HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Quite a bit, unless I am tired. Otherwide, if its beer, a pitcher or so. Martinis do not get me sleepy or drunk, but get me social.

I believe in Traditional Marriage

I am still away, not really here, but wanted to share this tidbit with you!

Bye,
Epi

Fall On Your Knees - Or How To Sing A Hymm Of Praise at 3:00am EST

So, ah, have you heard the pope is sick. I really hope he gets well. He is the leader of today’s Catholic church. The man who defends his faith against all challenges to that faith. And to be totally honest I have a particular vested interest in the pending death. I don’t want it to happen. Ya see when a pope dies there is this renewed Catholic vigour that sweeps the world. Lapse Catholics return to their faith, new people join, and then we have to tolerate another prolonged agony of death for the archaic institution. But if the pope can stay alive for another ten years and get more and more decrepit so too shall the gothic tomb of spirituality. AND THEN when the next whiff of white smoke sails into gods nostrils announcing the inheritor’s arrival he will be too late for the kingdom, the power, and the glory has crumbled.

So I had a dream the other night and in the dream I was trapped in a Roman Catholic Church--indeed a true nightmare. I had left my studies for the priesthood in the early '90s after my cock started demanding too much attention and I realized I like my dates to be at least 19 years old. What made this dream even worse was the fact that I had stopped being a Christian some ten years ago. Just when I thought it could get no worse, I was told I was about to be baptized again. Before doing so the obligatory first confession was in order. Alas I found a way out of this darkness: "Bless me father for I have NOT sinned…."

I'm a slut, a tramp, a whore--the holy trinity of debauchery--all things we are afraid to admit that make us bad little boys and girls. Shhhhh! We can only do or talk about those things with the lights off, late at night, by ourselves. Shame! If I wanted to be a good little boy I'd grow up and marry the girl next door, move to the suburbs, get a mini-van, and pump out 2.5 children. I've participated in the spilling of enough bodily fluids to populate a small Pacific island. I've lost count of how many times I've stepped onto the dance floor. Hey, wake up! Every bump and grind was a movement of two (well sometimes more and sometimes less). They all freely chose to mambo. I make no excuses or explanations or apologies. Every person I've been with has felt like they got their monies worth and then some. Yeah okay there was the occasional fuck up--human error. That's the picture. Look--or turn away in disgust. But your judging gaze no longer scratches me. Well, if you're cute and know what you want--let's "talk".

I'm out of the back seat. No longer a passenger in someone else's divine car, staring blankly out the window, watching everyone living lives that I so desperately want for myself. I've leapt over the front seat and kicked out the idiot behind the wheel (realizing he looked a bit too much like me). Then I realized what a shitty car he had and went and got myself an Alfa Romeo; the SUV can wait until 50.

Life is too much of a wild ride not to be roaring down the road--mad as a hatter--convertible top down, screaming into the night air--shirt open--the rain beating its tribal rhythms on my chest. Yes I am alive. Now I will prove it. I am going to go and preach my message to the multitudes. "It is your turn! Don't be me or the guy next to you. Be you, but be the you that is lurking deep inside wanting to howl at the moon. Dance in the rain. Kiss in public. And turn around and tell the person queuing behind you that if they don't stop pushing you they will land on their ass. And to the moron in front, 'Does it really take that fucking long to figure out you want a double tall decaf latte with soy and hold the foam?'"

So Father, this is the last time you will get this "I fall on my knees" for you. You no longer have this boy offering up his ass. It's got better places to be offered. I don't want your slaughtered lamb--unless it comes well-done and with mint jelly and oh, those little sweet potatoes. My guilt is now on my terms.

But dear padres, don't look at this ending as a failure. Failure is when something ends and you have learned nothing. I've learned a lot. The biggest Sunday school lesson I've learned is that a message of love has been corrupted by old men in black (and no that ain’t Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith--though they may be suited to battle this earth grown evil) looking backwards clinging to a tradition of power to make serfs of us all.

I am now attending the church of the beast with two backs. There I gladly fall on my knees and sing hymns of joy in the sweat stained cathedrals as my heart pulses to the cacophony of house and techno. There the Holy Communion is placed on my tongue promising true union with my brothers and sisters. There we raise our hands in glorious praise for we know God is made in our image. And!! He is a DJ. Here endeth the nightmare. I cum in peace.

(This was a piece I had published last year but was on my mind of late. The first paragraph is new just for alyx. oh and thes last sentences are new too.)

Chicken Style Black Forest

SO it seems I found myself in the kitchen after smoking a little pot (quelle surprise!) and opened the fridge to see what gluttonous treasures lay within. Now I got (oh wait this an SM for those keeping count.) a sweet deal here. Ray is a nester and we are never for want in the house. Da boy keep a well stocked pantry ladies. All I do is I write him a cheque each month. And he isn’t a bad roomie. We have a unique companionship.

This may at first look like the utopian ideal I describe but alas there is a weak link. I don’t always like the choices or quantity/quality of things he may buy. I opened the deli tray and saw something that looked like chicken or maybe ham. I’m stoned who cares. I roll up a slice and my brain lays in anticipation to see what my taste buds tell: Is it chicken or is it ham? Then came the screwed up face.

What the fuck is "chicken style black forest" people? See it is even hard to say. That should portend or at least foreshadow the doom that lay ahead. OH and if that doesn’t say whoa Nelly then the next line says 15% meat protein. And all in the same font. AND not even dropped down a point or to the next line.

Chicken Style
Black Forest
15% Meat Protein

Is this flesh before me the sour and sweat spawned offspring of some bizarre mad scientist lab copulation between species experiment gone awry? You know how mixed babies are usually quite attractive as some aesthetics gene kicks in and takes over the selection process and only the unique genes commingle. (Aside: When I first saw Alex I thought he was mixed. Then I found out he was just unusually quite beautiful.) Where were we? Oh yeah the mad chicken ham beast. It did not get the best of the chicken and pig. Salty as hell - I got borderline hypertension.

I think they know how bad it tastes and add the salt thinking it will magically make it palatable. Yeah sure. Do you think they actually get a big bunch of chicken and ham and grind and mush them together and then shape it to a loaf? Gross.

Furthermore and maybe paramount where is any sense of decency? Man we raise the damned chickens and pigs in captivity and kill the damned chickens and pigs to eat the asses can’t we at least give it a little dignity in death and let it be its own food product. Hell I don’t mind. If I really want those two flavours together I’ll stack them.

Where’s PETA when you need them.

Cr-cr-cr-crushin? Or is that gas?

(I have decided to use a different style as I guest write for Epi. Check out my own blog for my usual pedantic ramblings.)


SO I am spending some time with a man. I have grown fond of this man and like being around him. He is helping me let go of some past expectations/illusions/delusions. And though I proclaim to be a liver of the moment he is so much better at living the moment then I could ever be. My brain has a wee-bit-o-problem turning off.

For the first two weeks there was the euphoria of newness. I think the word is CRUSHIN. His name is Simon. He says he is CRUSHIN too. I think that is what makes this grin slide across my face. Requited affection - gotta like it. I may be in jeopardy of losing my acerbic edge. The horror the horror!!

Two samples of incredibly romantic or cheesy dialogue uttered in the last 53 days (a wild guess).

***********

Joshua: You have a perma-grin.

Simon: What’s that?

Joshua: You have a permanent smile on your face as if you are smiling from your heart.

Simon: So do you.

Joshua: I guess we are both extremely happy with where we happen to find ourselves at this point in time.

Simon: I guess we are.

***********

Joshua: You are so cute.

Simon: You are.

Joshua: You are so adorable.

Simon: But that’s you though.

**********

Joshua: I feel the need to ravage you severely.

Simon: Then don’t let me stop you from meeting your needs.

******

Joshua: I keep smiling a lot lately. Walking around with a grin on my face.

Simon: Its called a “shit eating grin”. I have one too.

******

Now though I find myself attracted to this person I find I do not have that gut wrenching passion for him. I don’t emotionally or intellectually get off on this person. The first couple of weeks le papillon de l’amour were doing their thing but they quickly fluttered away. Fickle ‘flies. You know the nervousness in the tummy when I think of him.

We are kind, considerate, caring, sexy. Maybe how I define passion for a man is changing and all the craziness of youth is replaced by a more realistic view. I’ve been in love many times and had my heart broken, reassembled, and broken hearts. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I am trying to convince myself of. I need to stop thinking and just be and let it run where it may. Great advice to give but a bitch to follow.

Writer's Block Party

SO, many polytheistic belief systems believe that we human beings are conduits of and for all energy in the universe. Changes are often reflected in our moods. Now I am not talking about the ability to watch an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and be laughing one moment and bawling your eyes out the next.

A number of friends have of late been reporting a lack of creativity. With a lack of creativity comes a lack of motivation. They are two ingredients in the sour dour dough. I count myself in their numbers. But sadly there seems to be no saints to march in and save the day – or at least a good idea for fuck sakes.

Is it the cold Canadian winter? The low light levels? The lack of colour? I personally have not posted on my own blog for a while now. Even Epicurist says that one of the reasons for not posting lately is a lack of creativity. Maybe gravitating towards the routine of career gives us the energy to wade through the sea of ennui? Maybe soon the colours of spring trigger areas of the brain that finally thaw out. Until then.

So this is my creative kick at the can holding my creative slump. I figured by taking responsibility for someone else’s blog I might at least feel obligated to write and at least keep the muscle working.

Here we go. I hope.

Extended Absinthe

Well Absence is more like it.

I am bogged down by The Man, and wishing I wasn't. I want and need a vacation, but seeing that I can't, I am willing myself away from the Kingdom of Blog - just for a while longer.

In my very soon to be missed absence, my friend and fellow blogger, Stoned Bunny will be my guest writer. I have known him for about 11 years, and have always respected his intellect and humour. He is a veritable genius, and I expect that he will do me proud.

Attention Stoned Bunny,

I, Epicurist (aka Alexander), of the domain Epicureal thoughts, give you, Stoned Bunny, full and complete editorial freedom, to write and post without hesitation or fear of my involvement (well, so long as there are no incriminating stories about me).

So without further ado, here is the adorably cute and fuzzy Stoned Bunny.

Cheers and Thanks a lot,
Alexander

Some time off

Hello my lovely bloggers,

I will be taking a short time off due to work and the amount of projects on my plate. Unfortunately, this time I will not have the luxury to blog whilst I work.

I intend to be back soon, but in the meantime and learning about RSS and CSS (info). If any of you know of good tutorials or RSS downloads and good Host server sites, I would be happy to hear from you so that I can begin my path toward ultimate geekdom.

Cheers!
Epi

The Year of the Rooster

Wishing you all a very Happy Chinese New Years. It is the year of the Rooster or as we fags like to call it, "Year of the Cock". I wish I had time to tell you more about it, but work is busy as hell, and well, I really don't know all that much, so have a look here about Chinese traditions and here for info on the Year of the Rooster.

Happiness, Health, Prosperity & Good Luck!

When thanks are due....

I just wanted to take a few minutes to thank you ALL for your support, advice, and friendship, from the bottom of my heart. It has been just over a year since my first blog, and I must say that I am pleasantly surprised by this unlikely grouping of bloggers. I truly do see you as friends, and thank you for the stories, the laughter, sarcasm, bitchiness, and warm comments.

I admit that I have always been a fiercely independent soul, keeping personal issues to myself, but you have all shared so much that I now realise that being emotive and expressing oneself is not a bad thing. It is not a sign of weakness. It is human nature and the way we grow.

This adventure has truly expanded my horizon and I want you to all know that you all have been the silver lining to my blog experience.

The last 3 years of my life have seen many ups and downs, where I most often fought the battle on my own. It has been tough at times. Only my close friends in Toronto know what I have been through. I have no regrets about how I did it. I am stronger for it, and am far more clear about who I am and what makes me tick. I have faced darkness and despair, but risen from that hellish hole to see that life has a lot to offer, as I to it. My superb friends have been my Rock and I would also like to send my love to them.

As I embark on a new path this year, many changes and new choices are being made that will irrevocably change my life for the better. The ball has already begun, and I can feel the restless tides churning. I have been in a very good place for quite sometime now, and it is because I have realised that I cannot do this on my own, and that friends are to be leaned upon. At the same time, one must always Respect, Honour, Love and Thank those who have been there for you. Friends and family are not to be taken for granted.

So without further a do:
Thanks to all,
The Joy Luck Club
The Cottage Crew
The Highschool Gang
The Kingdom of Bloggers
and To my family (I love you for how far you have come, and I look forward to what is next)

With Love and Thanks Always,
Alex