Wednesday, August 10, 2005

That's a lot of Onion Rings

My father just called me (at work) to tell me he was at my place. Specifically, to tell me he was in my kitchen. I have asked that they call before they do this so that I can prepare myself, but I don't think they understand the concept of privacy. I don't know what possessed me to allow them to keep the second key to my place - I should just change my locks at this point, or better yet, I should just let them walk in on me getting it on with RB, or masturbating to a porn.

So my father tells me he is dropping off a 20 pound bag of onions. By the way, he came via the subway, not a car.
I live alone with my dog - what am I to do with 20 pounds of onions in my small condo? That bag is bigger than dogs food bin.
Speaking of which, he tells me that I left my dishwasher open and that the dog will get to them. I told him that I just washed them and that they hadn't dried properly and that was the reason it was open. Besides, my dog isn't likely to walk up to my dishwasher and lick clean plates, nor is she going to use any of my utensils. Where my father comes up with stuff is beyond me.

My parents have done this on many an occassion. I will be walking up to my building through College Park and I will see my father waving to me from the window, with such vigour that to others, it would appear he was washing my windows. I will enter my unit, and both parents will begin chatting about how to do this on my PC and why I left my clothes on the floor. It never ends. The worse part, is their apparent need to discuss maintenace of my household. I think I am a fairly tidy and clean individual, but my mother will take it upon herself to start cleaning or some such thing. She also likes to save things that she thinks would be re-useable, be they bottles, rubber bands, twist ties, or those super absorbent Scottie Towel papers. YES, she will use the towel papers and then wash them and hang them to dry, to be re-used again.

I pointed out to her that they said disposable on the package.

She doesn't like it when I speak to her like that. For some odd reason, she thinks I am being sarcastic. There have been times where I have gone away to the cottage for a weekend, leaving my place in the care of my mother, only to return home to find the kitchen wallpapered with the stuff.

At least the rest of the condo was clean.

16 comments:

St. Dickeybird said...

Change those locks!
Or do the sex/porn thing, but let us all know when, for a group walk-in.

epicurist said...

Ethan - I love my parental units, but they do drive me crazy at times. In retrospect, I can only laugh because it really is quite hilarious...besides it makes for great storytelling ;-p

Dickey - you will all be invited for the next taping!

Snooze said...

Oh well, it would drive me insane too, but in the grand scheme of things, how amazing that they are bringing onions to your home and cleaning for you, instead of signing you up for Exodus. Parental love is an amazing and powerful force.

[my mother lives out of town so the most she can do is buy me a gym membership and caution me against "getting puffy" again. Um, yes mum, by not using the word "fat" I missed that allusion to my weight]

epicurist said...

Snooze - the frustrating part is that my home is spotless. I am a neat and clean freak, and they will simply find something to razz me about...a parental duty i am assuming.

As for Exodus, lets not go there. That and shock treatment were a consideration 17 years ago. Thank goodness they have come around some.

Russ - I am a stupid lazy ass...would you expect less?

congeewoo said...

WHAT IS IT with chinese parents saving all the little things to be re-used?? the only thing i save is grocery bags, for garbage and gift bags, to reuse. 20 lb. bag of onions....man, u pretty much have a half year's supply right there...they just need an excuse to show up and take care of you by cleaning up an already tidy condo...maybe they miss you? parents are funny

Anonymous said...

I am going to go through this very soon. My aunt is coming to stay with me for a week from Kaliforneeya [as Arnold says it]. I'm already thinking of the white tornado I'll be doing on the house before she gets here. We're not pigs, just artists that don't mind if there is a clay dust on a few things.
k
Dad waving so fast it looked like he was doing the windows...very funny.

Anonymous said...

Hee. That's awesome. I am not exactly sure wtf you could do with a 20 lb bag of onions. I mean if they were cocktail onions you could pickle them for lovely aperitifs (sp?) but apparently there's some cleaning things you can do with them. I think I read somewhere about them being really good for polishing stuff. I'll have to look it up...

And the paper towel reuse? Man I thought it was scary when we cleaned out my grandma's house (she lived through the depression) and she had saved all those little plastic bread bag holders, and twenty powder puffs.....

epicurist said...

spoony - I think they do miss me, and we tease our mother incessantly about the washed towel paper.

Knotty - have fun with the Auntie! Are you planning on getting her all drunk as well?

Daelyn - onions to polish? Do tell!!!

Anonymous said...

Here you go! Lots of other things to do with them, and some amusing information as well:

http://www.motherearthnews.com/library/1998_April_May/The_Almighty_Onion

Anonymous said...

Oh and I just found a reference that says you can use an onion to clean a charcoal grill, it keeps the food from sticking and also gives it a nice flavour.

Anonymous said...

And another:
http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/lv_household_tips/article/0,2041,DIY_14119_3304612,00.html

epicurist said...

Daeyln - OMG, thanks Martha! lol

Anonymous said...

I think I'm more of a Heloise than a Martha but you're welcome ;-)

CoffeeDog said...

You ought ot make them clean when they make a suprise visit, it's the least they could do for all those years you cleaned their house :-)

epicurist said...

Daeyln - Well then, heloise you ARE!! :)

Coffee - Actually, I am even more anal retentive then my mum now, so I can be very icky about that stuff too! wow, I guess I am my mother.

Jase said...

You mean you can't reuse paper towels? But they're so absorbant, strong, and long lasting!