General malaise and blahs

I have been in a foul mood for the last 4 days, and admittedly, those around me are getting the brunt of it. This is the reason why I have been avoiding everyone - not wanting to be nasty or say something inappropriate. This mood is an aberration from my usual upbeat self, but I think I have been beating myself over the head with it, believing I should be the usual chipper, funny self that I am. I suppose everyone is entitled to a few "off" or "bitch" days. Many of you have taught me that it is okay to do this. It's only human.

All of this I suppose is a direct result of recent medical results regarding my back and leg. It's been an ongoing thing for more than a decade, and the frustration is growing. In my late teens and early 20's I complained to my doctors that I was experiencing a lot of back pains and they simply shrugged it off as over-activity or due to sports. No tests were done, and I was too young to know the difference. The pain increased over the years and by 24, I was in so much pain that my Family physician finally decided to do some tests. They diagnosed me with a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis, a disorder that causes fusing of the joints in the vertebrae.

Anyhow, I was put on a variety of drugs (Votaren, Ibuprofen, Vioxx, Bextra) to compensate for the pain, and was told that I would be crippled by my 40's or 50's. Then, a new family doctor came along who had the same disease himself, and he sent me to a new rheumatologist, who said I didn't have it, but diagnosed me with the general malaise of fibromyalgia, which my Family doctor disagreed with. On top of all this, 2 1/2 years ago, I got severe sciatica in my right leg, which left me relying on the use of crutches or a cane for 6 months or more. The sciatica hasn't gone and it is aggravating the hell out of me. All of the anti-inflammatory drugs (vioxx, bextra), which I was put on, have now been pulled off the shelves as they cause heart disease, strokes, etc.

The problem here is that I have had no consistency with the medical experts. The only consistent thing, has been the pain, which is with me on a daily basis. I am beginning to lose faith and confidence in the Medical field. A 10 or 15 minute appointment with my Specialist is NOT a sufficient amount of time to gauge my situation and to develop an educated and empirical diagnosis.

I have an appointment today with my Specialist whom I plan on discussing my issues with. I want answers and options that I can take to resolve this. I want to be my chipper, mobile, happy self, without the need for drugs. I want to get back to enjoying life and living. I hate not knowing, and I hate being grumpy.

Breathe in, breathe out. (ahhhhhhh)
The meditation and the blogging sure do help, so thanks for listening.