So, here I am... still at work.
I was supposed to have the day off, but decided to come in to finish off some projects, with the intention of leaving at noon. Noon comes along, I pack my stuff and head out into a wet, wintry, slushy, rainy Toronto. I wander about and get my haircut, enjoying the notion that the rest of the day will be for me. Then, I get an email from a client crying that the sky has fallen, desperate for help.
I have no recourse but to return to work to finish things off. My colleagues who were supposed to be working buggered off before me.
I am in a rotten mood and it's getting worse. My plans of champagne and Oprah are as muddied as the Toronto streets. My cool exterior still gives off a pleasant facade, but I feel like pissing on everyone who walks by.
I hope this drama ends quick, before I go ballistic.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Wrapping Up
I was at the LCBO (Liquor store) today amongst the masses purchasing last minute party favours and gifts for colleagues. The place was a zoo, but I had no choice as I had to purcahse some Cognac for a colleague. When I got to the cash, the cashier asked if I wanted the gift wrapped for $2.50. Having no time to do it myself, I agreed.
I waited for 10 minutes when a slightly confused guy came up to the wrapping desk to assist me. The first words out of his mouth were “I have never wrapped anything before”. I decided to take matters into my own hands and told him to stand aside and I would wrap my own gift.
He made no attempt to disagree as the lineup was getting larger. In fact, it became quite the tutorial as I deftly wrapped, ribboned and parcelled my package. As I finished, the other waiting customers asked if I could wrap theirs instead of the fellow. I told them I didn’t work there, so I helped him on the next package and gave him some tips then left.
He followed my leave with a “thanks, how’d you learn to do that?”, with which I replied “ I’m gay, it’s hard coded into my genes”.
I could hear the laughter as I left.
I waited for 10 minutes when a slightly confused guy came up to the wrapping desk to assist me. The first words out of his mouth were “I have never wrapped anything before”. I decided to take matters into my own hands and told him to stand aside and I would wrap my own gift.
He made no attempt to disagree as the lineup was getting larger. In fact, it became quite the tutorial as I deftly wrapped, ribboned and parcelled my package. As I finished, the other waiting customers asked if I could wrap theirs instead of the fellow. I told them I didn’t work there, so I helped him on the next package and gave him some tips then left.
He followed my leave with a “thanks, how’d you learn to do that?”, with which I replied “ I’m gay, it’s hard coded into my genes”.
I could hear the laughter as I left.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Random Thoughts on a Random Day from a Random Individual
Random Thought 1
So I haven't done any Christmas shopping as yet. I don't think I'm actually exchanging anything with anyone, other than my parents and brother. That should be easy. I'll give my parents money and my brother vintage wine. But honestly, the whole Christmas shopping process is a headache and is what I consider an ordeal. I don't mind the idea of it, since it has been romanticised so much - the snow falling as you drink cocoa and window shop. However, in reality, it's all about frantic shoppers, commercialsim and stress. Not to mention, overheating in that wool sweater, and smelling like some stank wooly mammoth. On a side note, I do like to wrap gifts and decorate. My big thing is to wrap using a glue gun, so there are no visible tape marks...anal I know.
Random Thought 2
I bought a pair of Steve Madden shoes on November 17 from a shoe shop on Yonge street. The shoes promptly fell apart by December 01, so I returned them this weekend to find out what they could do for me. The owner and sales people were all speaking Cantonese (a language I cannot speak). They looked at me and I could tell they were debating the issue and questioning my validity, so I started pretending that I knew what they were talking about, just in case they were going to talk dirty or sneaky. Besides, it was my attempt at making them feel like I was one of them. I felt cheap doing it, but it seemed to work, so they took the shoes and my number down to investigate. I just hope that when I return they don't start talking to me in tongues, cause I won't understand a word of it.
Random Thought 3
I made a big batch of beef stew the other day. Lots of veggies and thickened with corn starch. The problem is that I don't think I can eat anything made with corn anymore. It gives me gas galore. Yesterday I was flatulating so much that my dog left the room in a huff because of the smell. This from a dog that has been seen eating a drunks vomit in the park. Rib Breaker, who was over last night said it smelled like a gerbil had crawled up my ass and died.
Random Thought 4
I brought in 5 bags of chocolates, one Friday about 2 weeks ago. By Tuesday all 5 bags of chocolates were gone. I was the most popular guy on the floor during that time. Now, everyone keeps walking by and asking when I will get more. All I could think was,
It was a one time thing you cheap bastards. Howz about you'se getz some chocolates and feed your sorry fat asses instead?
But that wouldn't be Christian of me.
Random Thought 5
I bought a Norfolk Christmas Tree. Just hope it doesn't die like the one I bought last year. That tree dried up like a... well... like a dried up tree. Rib Breaker finds it all very amusing since he doesn't really care for Christmas and all the hoopla associated to it. I am off to his work Christmas party tonight. Sort of odd, since we have been only seeing each other for 3 weeks now.
Random Thought 6
What do Jewish people do on Christmas Day, when everything is closed? It seems somewhat unfair doesn't it? From what I have observed, going out for Chinese Food seems to be the norm, as are the movies.
On a side note, why don't we get to celebrate and get Channukah, Rosh ha-Shanah or Yom Kippur off as holidays? When I was in University, we had all those days off. I was considered an honourary Jewish brother by some friends and was even invited to dinner at one friends family home once for the start of Channukah. Upon arriving, I was somewhat surprised to see a turkey and honeyed ham sittng on the table. There was of course the traditional matza ball soup and a beef brisket, but my shock was evident enough to elicit a remark from the mother who said something to the effect of "tradition shmadition, pork tastes good."
Random Thought 7
I will probably go to hell for laughing at this, but I couldn't resist not sharing it with you. It's a wonderful Christmas Jingle to help us remember those less fortunate than us.
So I haven't done any Christmas shopping as yet. I don't think I'm actually exchanging anything with anyone, other than my parents and brother. That should be easy. I'll give my parents money and my brother vintage wine. But honestly, the whole Christmas shopping process is a headache and is what I consider an ordeal. I don't mind the idea of it, since it has been romanticised so much - the snow falling as you drink cocoa and window shop. However, in reality, it's all about frantic shoppers, commercialsim and stress. Not to mention, overheating in that wool sweater, and smelling like some stank wooly mammoth. On a side note, I do like to wrap gifts and decorate. My big thing is to wrap using a glue gun, so there are no visible tape marks...anal I know.
Random Thought 2
I bought a pair of Steve Madden shoes on November 17 from a shoe shop on Yonge street. The shoes promptly fell apart by December 01, so I returned them this weekend to find out what they could do for me. The owner and sales people were all speaking Cantonese (a language I cannot speak). They looked at me and I could tell they were debating the issue and questioning my validity, so I started pretending that I knew what they were talking about, just in case they were going to talk dirty or sneaky. Besides, it was my attempt at making them feel like I was one of them. I felt cheap doing it, but it seemed to work, so they took the shoes and my number down to investigate. I just hope that when I return they don't start talking to me in tongues, cause I won't understand a word of it.
Random Thought 3
I made a big batch of beef stew the other day. Lots of veggies and thickened with corn starch. The problem is that I don't think I can eat anything made with corn anymore. It gives me gas galore. Yesterday I was flatulating so much that my dog left the room in a huff because of the smell. This from a dog that has been seen eating a drunks vomit in the park. Rib Breaker, who was over last night said it smelled like a gerbil had crawled up my ass and died.
Random Thought 4
I brought in 5 bags of chocolates, one Friday about 2 weeks ago. By Tuesday all 5 bags of chocolates were gone. I was the most popular guy on the floor during that time. Now, everyone keeps walking by and asking when I will get more. All I could think was,
It was a one time thing you cheap bastards. Howz about you'se getz some chocolates and feed your sorry fat asses instead?
But that wouldn't be Christian of me.
Random Thought 5
I bought a Norfolk Christmas Tree. Just hope it doesn't die like the one I bought last year. That tree dried up like a... well... like a dried up tree. Rib Breaker finds it all very amusing since he doesn't really care for Christmas and all the hoopla associated to it. I am off to his work Christmas party tonight. Sort of odd, since we have been only seeing each other for 3 weeks now.
Random Thought 6
What do Jewish people do on Christmas Day, when everything is closed? It seems somewhat unfair doesn't it? From what I have observed, going out for Chinese Food seems to be the norm, as are the movies.
On a side note, why don't we get to celebrate and get Channukah, Rosh ha-Shanah or Yom Kippur off as holidays? When I was in University, we had all those days off. I was considered an honourary Jewish brother by some friends and was even invited to dinner at one friends family home once for the start of Channukah. Upon arriving, I was somewhat surprised to see a turkey and honeyed ham sittng on the table. There was of course the traditional matza ball soup and a beef brisket, but my shock was evident enough to elicit a remark from the mother who said something to the effect of "tradition shmadition, pork tastes good."
Random Thought 7
I will probably go to hell for laughing at this, but I couldn't resist not sharing it with you. It's a wonderful Christmas Jingle to help us remember those less fortunate than us.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Caption Contest - idea gratefully stolen from Wanda Wisdom
Since having had so much fun commenting on Wandas site, I decided it was high time to pick out the most atrocious celebrity outfits and poke a bit of fun at them. It wasn't hard since they were from the same damned actress/skank.
Now Bai Ling is apparently a famous Asian actress, but man is she ever fugly! What a shame and embarrassment to my people. So come up with a caption for each of the 3 pics, and you too can win a personal fashion consultation from her stylist! The winner will be chosen based on wit and inappropriateness.
I see Paris, I see France, I can see your....wait, she ain't wearing any underpants!
Asian Trash?
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
S.R.I
It's Tuesday morning and I am still smarting from a weekend of fun and frolic. I have used the term "no pain, no gain" often enough, but little did I realise that I would take it to the 9th degree. The end result is that I have some serious S.R.I.
Sex Related Injuries
It seems my birthday weekend was one to remember. It also seems that with age, not only do your bones go brittle, but your brain atrophies into stupidity.
Without getting into the sordid details, lets just say that I was feeling a serious amount of pain in my upper chest (rib) area on Sunday night/Monday morning. I already had a doctors appointment booked for 9:45am on Monday, so I took the opportunity to chat with my doctor about it. It went like this:
Doc: So how are you doing?
Me: Pretty good, but I have a question before anything else.
Doc: Alright, shoot.
Me: How do you know if you have a broken or fractured rib?
Doc: (with eyebrows raised): Umm, well, you would feel a sharp pain as you breathe and tenderness where the trauma took place. Now may I ask you a question?
Me: Shoot.
Doc: Now, I have to question why my patient would be asking me that. Lift your shirt up and lets have a look.
I didn't embellish too much about my sexual adventures, but he got the idea and left it alone. As I lifted my shirt up, wincing in pain, my doc let out a "Holy shit, what the hell were you up to?" He sent me for X-Rays, where we have now determined that I have a possible fractured upper anterior rib. Though I may be smarting from my stupidity, both my partner in crime and I have been having a grand 'ol time laughing about it. You can really only laugh in such situations.
My partner in crime, though also a little sore, came out of it unscathed and has been feeling terribly guilty. Tending to my aches and pains wth massages at night, he wakes me every morning with a warm hug and a kiss to the nose and forehead before he goes off to work. It seems to make the world of difference.
Sex Related Injuries
It seems my birthday weekend was one to remember. It also seems that with age, not only do your bones go brittle, but your brain atrophies into stupidity.
Without getting into the sordid details, lets just say that I was feeling a serious amount of pain in my upper chest (rib) area on Sunday night/Monday morning. I already had a doctors appointment booked for 9:45am on Monday, so I took the opportunity to chat with my doctor about it. It went like this:
Doc: So how are you doing?
Me: Pretty good, but I have a question before anything else.
Doc: Alright, shoot.
Me: How do you know if you have a broken or fractured rib?
Doc: (with eyebrows raised): Umm, well, you would feel a sharp pain as you breathe and tenderness where the trauma took place. Now may I ask you a question?
Me: Shoot.
Doc: Now, I have to question why my patient would be asking me that. Lift your shirt up and lets have a look.
I didn't embellish too much about my sexual adventures, but he got the idea and left it alone. As I lifted my shirt up, wincing in pain, my doc let out a "Holy shit, what the hell were you up to?" He sent me for X-Rays, where we have now determined that I have a possible fractured upper anterior rib. Though I may be smarting from my stupidity, both my partner in crime and I have been having a grand 'ol time laughing about it. You can really only laugh in such situations.
My partner in crime, though also a little sore, came out of it unscathed and has been feeling terribly guilty. Tending to my aches and pains wth massages at night, he wakes me every morning with a warm hug and a kiss to the nose and forehead before he goes off to work. It seems to make the world of difference.
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
A day All too important to forget
Today is a day of great importance. A day that for me, is a celebration of life and of hope. It is a day that we all too often forget and wish was not here.
Yes, it is my birthday, but no that is not what I am referring too.
Today is World AIDS Day, and now more than ever, we need to focus on this disease and the global crisis it has taken on the world. Currently, the statistics show that 40 million people are living with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, with 5 million new cases and 3 million deaths reported last year (read here). Almost ½ of the new infections are amongst young people aged 15 to 24, and nearly 5 million people became infected in 2003.
I have spent almost two-thirds of my life living in a world that has been overshadowed by this disease and epidemic, and it has irrevocably changed my life, in so many ways. I wonder if it is too much to ask to see the day when there will be a cure, but I know that it will be one of the happiest days of my life.
I don’t want to see more friends get sick.
I don’t want to see more friends die,.
And I am tired of seeing friends live through the pain and shun of having this disease.
I want to see people come together and pay attention and realise that this battle is not over. With the advent of stronger HIV cocktails and AIDS Treatments, we are closer to an AIDS/HIV vaccine and other discoveries, but my fear is that people will believe that they can take greater risks because of it. There needs to be a greater awareness, not just for gay men, but for every man, woman and child of every ethnicity and sexual orientation. We still need to shed light on this global crisis.
So, tonight instead of partying up a storm, I will be clebrating my birthday by volunteering for CANFAR, at their annual fundraiser Bloor Street Entertains. It is the least I can do, to give back and support a community that desperately needs it.
HIV has not gone away, and it is something we all need to be concerned about. We all need to take action, whether it is through volunteering, funding or simply educating ourselves and those around us. It may be an unfortunate irony that I share my birthday with this day of action and memory, but it makes it that much more important and meaningful for me.
So please take some time out to educate yourselves.
That’s all I ask of you on my birthday.
For online support and information:
AIDS & Sexual Health Line Toronto http://www.city.toronto.on.ca/health/ai_index.htm
POZ Canadaian Forum www.pozcanadian.com
Aids Committee of Toronto http://www.actoronto.org/
Toronto PWA Foundation http://www.pwatoronto.org/
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