SO it seems I found myself in the kitchen after smoking a little pot (quelle surprise!) and opened the fridge to see what gluttonous treasures lay within. Now I got (oh wait this an SM for those keeping count.) a sweet deal here. Ray is a nester and we are never for want in the house. Da boy keep a well stocked pantry ladies. All I do is I write him a cheque each month. And he isn’t a bad roomie. We have a unique companionship.
This may at first look like the utopian ideal I describe but alas there is a weak link. I don’t always like the choices or quantity/quality of things he may buy. I opened the deli tray and saw something that looked like chicken or maybe ham. I’m stoned who cares. I roll up a slice and my brain lays in anticipation to see what my taste buds tell: Is it chicken or is it ham? Then came the screwed up face.
What the fuck is "chicken style black forest" people? See it is even hard to say. That should portend or at least foreshadow the doom that lay ahead. OH and if that doesn’t say whoa Nelly then the next line says 15% meat protein. And all in the same font. AND not even dropped down a point or to the next line.
Chicken Style
Black Forest
15% Meat Protein
Is this flesh before me the sour and sweat spawned offspring of some bizarre mad scientist lab copulation between species experiment gone awry? You know how mixed babies are usually quite attractive as some aesthetics gene kicks in and takes over the selection process and only the unique genes commingle. (Aside: When I first saw Alex I thought he was mixed. Then I found out he was just unusually quite beautiful.) Where were we? Oh yeah the mad chicken ham beast. It did not get the best of the chicken and pig. Salty as hell - I got borderline hypertension.
I think they know how bad it tastes and add the salt thinking it will magically make it palatable. Yeah sure. Do you think they actually get a big bunch of chicken and ham and grind and mush them together and then shape it to a loaf? Gross.
Furthermore and maybe paramount where is any sense of decency? Man we raise the damned chickens and pigs in captivity and kill the damned chickens and pigs to eat the asses can’t we at least give it a little dignity in death and let it be its own food product. Hell I don’t mind. If I really want those two flavours together I’ll stack them.
This may at first look like the utopian ideal I describe but alas there is a weak link. I don’t always like the choices or quantity/quality of things he may buy. I opened the deli tray and saw something that looked like chicken or maybe ham. I’m stoned who cares. I roll up a slice and my brain lays in anticipation to see what my taste buds tell: Is it chicken or is it ham? Then came the screwed up face.
What the fuck is "chicken style black forest" people? See it is even hard to say. That should portend or at least foreshadow the doom that lay ahead. OH and if that doesn’t say whoa Nelly then the next line says 15% meat protein. And all in the same font. AND not even dropped down a point or to the next line.
Chicken Style
Black Forest
15% Meat Protein
Is this flesh before me the sour and sweat spawned offspring of some bizarre mad scientist lab copulation between species experiment gone awry? You know how mixed babies are usually quite attractive as some aesthetics gene kicks in and takes over the selection process and only the unique genes commingle. (Aside: When I first saw Alex I thought he was mixed. Then I found out he was just unusually quite beautiful.) Where were we? Oh yeah the mad chicken ham beast. It did not get the best of the chicken and pig. Salty as hell - I got borderline hypertension.
I think they know how bad it tastes and add the salt thinking it will magically make it palatable. Yeah sure. Do you think they actually get a big bunch of chicken and ham and grind and mush them together and then shape it to a loaf? Gross.
Furthermore and maybe paramount where is any sense of decency? Man we raise the damned chickens and pigs in captivity and kill the damned chickens and pigs to eat the asses can’t we at least give it a little dignity in death and let it be its own food product. Hell I don’t mind. If I really want those two flavours together I’ll stack them.
Where’s PETA when you need them.
6 comments:
*Blush*
You are way too muchfor my ego. I think I'll keep you, and let you keep blogging for me.
Thanks for making me laugh my ass off! ;P
I think I'm just going to stick to eating tofu. I do eat chicken sometimes, but this post is making me reconsider! Are you sure you don't work for PETA after all?
Glorious post; just stay away from "processed", my dear. Anyway, who has a "deli tray"; I thought that was outlawed by the EOL (Enemies of Listeria). Again, good job. Tell Eip that tomorrow meet Nigella.
15% meat protein. What does that mean? Is the rest of some sort of meat substitute? Whatever it is, it sounds disgusting!
Great post btw!
Pigs and chickens were not ment to me blended. That's just fucking nasty. I wouldn't feed my cat that! Haha.
I imagine some poor soul somewhere is enjoying that chicken-pork mismatch with ketchup. Ewww - I just scared myself.
to the epicurist:
Thanks for your comment.
I like this profile photo of you at your workstation - the dog with the baseball cap is too cute.
wink - a
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