Let me start by saying that nothing is truly forever. Now, before I get any nasty comments that I am demeaning or devaluing relationships, let me just explain.
We are constantly changing, dealing and adapting to new situations and environments. Is it realistic then for us to believe that our attitude or feelings toward one another will always be the same? As emotive sentient beings, we are prone to mood changes and fluxes in our attitudes and belief systems. However, having said this, I also believe that a relationship based on mutual respect, honesty and love can overcome nearly any barrier. This does not mean that things will be easy, but the effort would be the glue that binds. It would be arrogant to assume that a relationship will always be the same from the get-go, because that would assume a person does not grow and evolve. Who would want that? I certainly wouldn't. The idea of change to me is exciting. It is a path that I look forward to, and if I so happen to meet someone along the way, who is willing to share and grow in those experiences than all the better.
This brings me to compromise and sacrifice. To many people, they are one and the same, but I believe that they are fundamentally different. Compromise is something everyone does out of love and respect to his or her partner, in an effort to balance or come to a common ground. Sacrifice on the other hand is done solely by an individual to appease their partner. When you sacrifice too much in a relationship, you often begin to regret and confuse sacrifice for love. You cannot give away so much of yourself to others, where you are soon nothing but a skeleton of what you once were. A healthy relationship allows each individual to grow separately and to bring to the relationship the value of his or her own growth and discoveries. It is usually these personal discoveries that make the relationship richer and deeper.
At this point, I can imagine the questions and comments. I feel the rolling of the eyes.
“How can this guy, who hasn’t been in a long-term relationship, know what it takes to be in one?”
Well, I never said I did. Nevertheless, I do know that I am not willing to lower my bar to accept and settle for something that is not for me. I am not willing to sacrifice my ideals to be with someone who expects me to change and be less than I am. If that is the expectation, then the relationship will be doomed because I will never be good enough in the eyes of the one wanting change. In fact, if my partner wanted or expected me to change, I would then question what it was that he was trying to accomplish through this change. Is he trying to fulfill his own needs? His own inadequacies? His own void?
Having said this, here is a quick statement of fact: I don't really know whether I will ever meet a life partner.
It is one of those elusive questions, but it does not bother me the same way it does for others, not because I don't want one, but because I don't know whether I would be a good husband (yet). My own realisation of this allows me to delve deeper into my own psyche as to why this may be, and allows me to work on it should the actual event arise. I suppose part of it all, is that I don’t need someone to fulfill some void in my life; or rather I don’t want somebody to fulfill a void in my life. I can only be a fully committed, participating husband or partner if I am truly honest and happy myself. It is all about my philosophy in life. It is about who I am and who I believe I can be.
It is about the journey.
It is about the potential.
Anyone up for the ride?
6 comments:
I did not roll my eyes at this post once. Your insight is brilliant and true, and I can imagine that you will have healthier relationships than many people because of your wisdom. I'm one of those over-sacrificers, I think. I'm learning where to draw the line. I want to give so much - but I need to maintain clear boundaries. Thanks for leaving me a comment. I plan to visit your site often.
Wow, nice post. I almost did an eye-roll there, but stopped half-way because I wanted to finish reading.
I share a lot of the same thoughts/feelings on relationships (even though I have not been in a long term relationship either).
When I find that person, I hope to fall in love with a person not by who he is, but who he will become. But then again, I'm shallow like a kiddie pool.
Epi, why do you got to make a girl cry? Wonderful post. I'm fw'ding to friends.
No eye-rolling here either. Beautiful introspective and insightful.
You should post more often.
Hot Toddy & Jase & Dantillion - Thanks for not rolling your eyes, though I felt the world tremble just a slight bit when Jase did his half roll ;P
a*c - Awww, sorry babes. Hope I can make you smile and laugh next time :)
Hi, my first time here, its interesting to hear your insight, but I just wanted to comment about nothing is truly forever. Well theres only one thing that is, and thats God's love for every single person. No matter what. I hope you understand that.
God Bless you.
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