China Trip Diaries

Friday May 21 - 21h15m

Enroute to China and I honestly don't know how you regular travellers do it. I have sat through 2 full length movies, countless news and short films, rubbery chicken with the ever so elegant flavour of cough medication, and I am only 8 hours into my 12 hour flight to Japan. A 1 hour waylay there and then 3 more hours on Air Nippon to Beijing. Where are the damned teleportation devices?
--------------------

It is now 10:37pm EST, and I have been on this plane for 9 hours and 37 minutes. We are 1339 miles from our destination and I am going stir crazy. Can't sleep like most people because the seats are so small. I have gone to pee over 9 times. I have nothing better to do but wonder what they do with all that piss etc? Do they just release it while in flight? Puts a whole new spin on "raindrops are falling on my head". Anyhow, 3 hours and 37 minutes to go.

-------------------
May 22 20h05m

After arriving at Beijing Airport, we were greeted by our tour guide Jeffrey who gave us the essentials on taxi and road etiquette, which I gathered was close to none. When you have 1.5 billion people travelling en masse, it makes it difficult to gauge what rules to follow - rickshaws, millions of cars, millions of bikes and millions of pedestrians. It was a wonder that I didn't see any accidents. We arrived at our hotel Marco Polo intact, and we settled in for a jet-lagged sleep. We were up at 5:30am, unable to sleep further.

-------------------
May 23


Beijing is this incredible combination of modern and old. Cranes and new buildings literally dot the sky in every direction as far as one can see. Besides a short stint in Chinese studies in university, I am amazed and somewhat dissappointed with my lack of education about China. I half expected to see Communism and gray garbs still rampant. Instead, Beijing is modern and bustling with activity. It hosts 13 million, which is one third Canada's population and most seem to be in cars or motorbikes. I am told that there are 1,000 new cars driven onto these busy streets each day.

We have visited Tian'an'men Square, the Forbidden city and the Temple of Heaven. These are all architectural emblems of an ancient society, built by Emperors and dynasties that make up the history of China. Our last stop was the Lamas temple, an incredible Lamas Buddhist temple where I received much needed tranquility after a rather exhausting tour of the city.




--------------------
May 24

Visited the Summer palace that rests on Kunming Lake, where the Dowager Empress built a palace to entertain her during the summer (the funds were taken from the Navy reserve, and resulted in the eventual demise of China to the Japanese). I have to say the place is gorgeous, but is packed with Chinese people pushing and spitting just about everywhere - I have gotten somewhat used to the nastiness - a cultural social difference which I will simply have to bear with as a foreigner to this country. This is one realisation that I have come to with some difficulty - That as a Chinese person raised in a Western country, I am looked at as a foreigner. I don't speak Mandarin (Putong Hua) very well and as such it is difficult to communicate. Additionally, the rules of western society, do not necessarily apply to this part of the world and I am fast seeing that my stereotypes and prejudices are something I need to work on.

For the afternoon, we take a long bumpy drive along precarious mountain roads from Beijing to Mutianyu, to see the Great Wall of China. It is immense and foreboding. The wall stretches and winds across the mountains and into the clouds. I feel as though I am riding a dragons back. The locals pester us to buy things and follow us along our whole walk, waiting and literally begging us to buy something. They wear torn ragged and dusty clothes, and will haggle to get any money. I feel bad but get postcards for 3 RMB (CAN$.50) and a shirt I haggled from 60RMB to 10RMB (CAN$1.50)

--------------------
May 25

We are in Nanchang, a 2 hour flight from Beijing, and I can really see the impact of economic growth in an otherwise rural region. Nanchang is the birthing ground for the Communist-led uprising of August 1, 1927, but the marks of the Communist era are all but erased. The population is 1.5 million and is considered a small city. The city is dense, dirty and compact, and very humid and hot. The people are robust with a strong country-folk character. They are upfront, loud and direct. They are simple in many ways, that only one can understand when one speaks to them. They have grown from a river side rural and agricultural life to this bustling city. Hotels and franchises abound. Their simplicity became ever so evident when speaking to a local girl who we met through our local contact. She tells me she is from the country where her family still grows rice. She has all the modern accoutrements - has dyed red hair, has a cell phone, yet has never been out of this region, never seen a plane or a train.

I am here to spend a few days with my 95 year old grandfather and 96 year old grand aunt (his sister). They don’t get along well, and this portion of the trip is becoming tedious and painful.

----------------
May 26

We are headed for Longshan today. The drive is 4 hours and it is my first experience in seeing the country-side and the Agrarian lifestyle. The countryside hasn't changed all that much and I imagine myself in the old feudal dynastic society. Verdant fields of rice paddies, water bogged with mud brick homes and thatched clay tiled roofs. The only ties to the modern world are the occasional power lines and paved road that cuts through the landscape. Even in these rural areas there are tones of people, all working and toiling in the fields. I am humbled and feel the strength of these people. Their dark skin and dirty hands show their endurance and strength. Most live in mud clay homes or squat square structures. The countryside is hot hot hot. Humidity is the norm for this water bogged country - fed by 2 major rivers, the Chiang Jiang (Yangzi River) and Huang He (Yellow River).

Rice paddy fields, shanty towns, and beautifully carved mountains cover this landscape. I am in awe at the beauty and serenity of these sunny green pastures and looming mountains.

We reach Long Fu Shan (Dragon Tiger Mountain) and ride down the river in a very cool bamboo raft. 2 guides take us downstream and show us the Hanging Burial Caskets that are known for this region. On high cliffs surrounding the river are naturally carved niches and in them you can see burial caskets of the local ancestral people, placed seemingly precariously within.

----------------
May 29

We leave Nanchangs busy train station and settle into our 4 person 'soft seat' cabin, which cost 127RMB ($22can) Soft seat refers to sleeper cots, which are comfy and fairly clean. The trip is 9 hours, but they pass nicely with great views of the landscape (Definitely would recommend this mode of travel in China). Mind you the toilets again are just holes in the floor. Therefore, no shitting or pissing when at a station or you'll splatter some poor unsuspecting fool boarding or exiting the caboose.



Not everything was beautiful and amusing. On our trip, we witnessed the true slums of China in the steel manufacturing cities. People toiled in these remote towns, where coal burning produced dark clouds and flames that burned the skies. The homes were no more then a mixture of tin and bamboo shacks set up beside these factories. I always knew how fortunate I was, but seeing children play in these dirty slums and watching their mothers wash and prepare food in a dirty river simply brought tears to my eyes.

---------------
May 29-31


We arrived in Huangshan (Anhui Province) the home of my ancestors, late on the 30th. It is a major Agrarian society with its wet, foggy and temperate climate - with rice and tea being major exports. Green tea is specially grown here on steep slopes 800 ft above sea level, where they are continually covered in mist and rain. We have taken the Cable car up Huangsan (Yellow Mountain) and I am completely blown away by the beauty of this landscape. This is the China I have seen in paintings and movies (most recently in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). I have been looking forward to this part of the trip and am not dissappointed. The mountains are old and steep and we have taken many hikes through fog and mist filled forests. I can understand why this place has produced so many poets, painters and scholars.



Unfortunately this scenic attraction has been over run by tourists who scream and shout, led by tour guides with megaphone speakers to herd their flocks. I am upset by the lack of respect that they have for this place. I suppose this is my Western sensibility again, but I am finding the Chinese people of now quite the contrast of the china of past. History and poems have always depicted the Chinese and the culture as dignified, quiet, serene and beautiful. I haven't found much of that during my trip, but I can't possibly understand what living in a populated society like this would do to me. The sheer amount of people in China may explain the consant rush. Everyone is looking to get their job or task done first, they are looking to get that empty seat on the bus or train. This makes it a very busy and seemingly impatient society.

China has gone through a tumultuous 100 years and I have spoken and learned a lot about what the Cultural Revolution has done to many of the citizens - none of it good. I have witnessed impoverished porters walking up hundreds of steps, bringing provisions to the hotels above. They have hard looks on their faces, torn ragged clothes, and grunt with every step they take. They not only carry the weight of the world, but bamboo poles that carry 60 to 95 kilos of weight across their backs (they get paid by the amount of weight they can carry). It is their way of life and know they have no option but this to feed their families.

-----------------
May 31-June 02

We have taken the cable car down the mountain and are walking the 500 year old streets of Tunxi. The old city has been repaired and you can see the beautiful frames and wood structures that are typical of the Anhui people and this region.



Our driver takes us to Hangzhou, which is a 4 hour drive along very bumpy country back roads. They are building a major highway and it should be finished by the end of the year. I suppose Communism has its merits, in that it can get things done very quickly (no one to argue with) and it also has an immense resource of people to do the work.

Hangzhou is the first modern city in China that I have seen that makes me feel more at ease. People are more courteous and drivers are less erratic. The shopping here is great as well. We visit my families' ancestral grave and spend the time walking around the city and eating local delicacies (none of which included civet cats or dog). I have weighed myself and I have gained 10 pounds while here. Those of you who know me well, know that is an enormous accomplishment for me.

------------------
June 02-June 05

We have taken the train to Shanghai, also known as the Pearl of the Orient, Whore of the East. Shanghai has been dragged through an incredibly chequered past of invasions and occupations. This created a wild city of opium dens, underground gambling joints, brothels, gangsters and decadence, all brought to an abrupt end by the suffocating grip of Communist rule in the late 1940s. The city is now under the influx of a greater power-money, commercialism and growth. This place is quite unbelievable. The city is filled with skyscrapers, glass towers and high-end boutique shops and malls that sell Gucci, Lagerfeld, Louis Vuitton and other fancy shmancy garbs. I am not surprised to see that the hunger for wealth, money and power has taken Shanghai by its graceful throat. Sophistication, wealth, modernism and success are on everyone’s mind. The city is one vast shopping spree. Foreigners abound everywhere and Shanghai is once again taking its place as the pearl of the Orient.

We have spent days here and visited family and many tourist attractions. Took the Maglev train from the city to the airport in 8 mins (428km/hour) and it was a wicked ride.

-----------------
China has turned out to be a rollercoaster of experiences and emotions. I can safely say that I have ridden the Golden Dragon, but it has been emotionally taxing and I have discovered many new things about myself and the microcosm I call home. I have enjoyed my experience and personal growth while here, but am glad to return to my home. China may be my roots, but I have been transplanted and enjoy the soil here in Canada, and truly appreciate what I have more so then I could ever have imagined.

Getting excited about my trip to China in May. Will be travelling with my parents, brother and sister-in-law - travelling to Beijing and Shanghai. I have never been to the Far East, and only have 2 weeks to travel, so unfortunately will only be able to visit a few places. Just got my passport - Apparently you can't smile since the 9-11 incident, so I look about 10 years older than my usual self- also looks like a mug shot.
Anyhow, will let you all know the details of the trip and pictures when I come around to it.

Dating 101 Part trois

I went on a date Wednesday.

I think I would have had more fun folding my underwear into origami.
Actually, all I thought about during the dinner was how quickly I could get home so that I could do my laundry and eat a bag of chips.

Sad, isn’t it?

I told my boss about this date and his immediate response was;

“Never go for dinner for the first date, because you’ll be trapped for the entire meal. Go for a coffee or drink, where you can leave at anytime.”

I suppose this makes quite a bit of sense, since you don’t have to hang around if the guy bores you to death. I just didn’t realize that there was this dating procedure that I was supposed to follow. I am such a neophyte when it comes to dating – or maybe I am just naïve.

Anyhow, wish me luck on my next coffee date.

Scratch that… better make it a BEER date. With my luck and history, I’ll need the drink when I get there.

The Costco of Living

We have all heard the infamous quote “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach”, n’est pas? No where else could you test this theory than at Costco, or some such Bulk Supermarket. I recently went on my virginal trip to Costco. I have never been and I certainly had no idea what to expect. What confronted my senses also confused them. Never have I seen so much stuff in one place in such large quantities. From fruit to fruit-of-the-loom, from dishware to computer wares, from charcoal to diamonds – this place was a one-stop shop for the...well I really don’t know for who.

So there I am wandering through vast aisles, feeling like a confused and overwhelmed Lilliputian, when I come across the meat section. I honestly stood there for about 15 minutes trying to decipher exactly what I was supposed to do with half a cow, and where I was supposed to put it.



I suppose if I was feeding some poor nation on a budget, this would be the place to go, but the fact remains that I am not, and the majority of food stuffs in the joint was pre-made, processed and very fattening. It would be a waste for me to spend $50 on the membership because I’d be dead on my kitchen floor from a clogged artery or heart attack after my first voyage there.

Hmmm - I think I have an idea why the aisles are so big now.

To share in my virginal experience, a group of friends came with me bringing along their trusty and roomy SUV. When I arrived at the colossal warehouse, they laughed with glee and delight at my response and shock. By the end of our 2 hours, my one friend spent 450 plus bucks – what he was planning to do with 6 Litres of Windex, beats me – maybe he plans on cleaning all the windows for his condo complex.
See who’s laughing now.

Anyhow, here are the facts:
I am single guy living in a modest 715 square foot condo, with little storage space. The reality of having all these bulk sized products is ridiculous but even more ridiculous, was that I was entertaining the idea. The success of these business joints, I realized, was due in part by the confusion one feels by the vast quantities for low prices. I also realized that as a smart consumer you really have to balance and determine whether the deal is really a deal.
Is that 40 Lb bag of potatoes really worth it? Or, will it sit in your cramped apartment, whereupon 5 weeks from now you find it has sprout forth tendrils like some grotesque Alien?

The question and dilemma is great because we all want the DEAL. Admit it; we are ALL greedy little buggers and scrooges when you think about it, so the idea of getting some outrageously large product for a small price is greater than the price of it rotting into a pile of putrid trash.

What I ended up coming away with:
• 1 Box of California Jumbo grapefruits (Think of a 5 PIN Bowling ball) there were 13 in the box.
• 1 bag of pears (12)
• 1 tray of pork loins (more than I can eat)
• Dishwasher tablets (box of 80)
• Some money left in my account
• My sanity
• And an experience I will never forget.

Cirque du Soliel offers to reinstate HIV-positive gymnast

In response to an email I sent to Cirque du Soliel, expressing my shock and disappointment regarding the unethical treatment of Matthew Cusick, this is what Renée-Claude Ménard sent back to me. I am sure I was not the only who emailed, mailed or called them, and am unsure if this was some mass email copy, but I must say that I am pleased with the EEOC's ruling and CDS's response thus far. This is a great sign for PLWA(HIV), and the respect and understanding that they deserve. Please read on.
-------------------------------------

Hello Alex;

I have received your request for information. I would like to begin by apologizing for not responding to your request sooner but we wanted to be able to inform you of any significant developments in this very important matter as they happened.
We wish to inform you that we will offer Matthew the opportunity to rejoin Cirque as an artist. Over the last few months, we have met with associations and experts in the field in order to confirm whether our initial decision was well-founded. Following our discussions with them, we came to the conclusion that we could reintegrate Matthew into his functions as a performer.
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) has invited us to go to mediation. The mediation process will begin shortly. Cirque du Soleil promises its complete cooperation and will offer to fully reinstate Matthew as a performer.
Thank you for your patience. I am enclosing an article recently published by the Associated Press that confirms our position.

Renée-Claude Ménard
Directeur/Director
Relations Publiques/Public Relations
Siège Social International/International Headquarters
Cirque du Soleil
(514) 723-7646 (7366)
renee-claude.menard@cirquedusoleil.com
En cas d'urgence/in case of emergency : Hélène Pintus (514) 723-7646 (8019)

Cirque du Soleil offers to reinstate HIV-positive gymnast
By LISA LEFF
Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO --

Cirque du Soleil offered Friday to reinstate an HIV-positive gymnast after federal labor investigators found "reasonable cause" to believe the Montreal-based circus engaged in job discrimination when it fired the performer because of his condition.
The offer came hours after the Los Angeles office of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission upheld the merits of a complaint brought by the fired gymnast, Matthew Cusick. A Cirque du Soleil spokeswoman said the circus was placing "no restrictions" on the kind of acts in which Cusick could appear.
"We are ready to welcome him back," Cirque du Soleil spokeswoman Renee-Claude Menard said. "Our job now is to make sure it's done quickly and efficiently."
The sudden turnaround in Cirque du Soleil's position was hailed by the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, which represented Cusick.
"For the last eight months, we have tried to get Cirque du Soleil to understand the seriousness of firing someone simply because he has HIV," said Hayley Gorenberg, director of Lambda Legal's AIDS Project. "We are very encouraged that the federal government's findings will force Cirque to finally take this seriously."
Cirque du Soleil, which is known for its daring aerial acts, never denied that Cusick was fired as a "catcher" in the Russian High Bar act and as an acrobat in the Chinese tall pole act days before he was to join the "Mystere" show in Las Vegas because of his HIV status.
Cusick, 32, voluntarily disclosed his health condition and had spent four months training with the group when he was informed his contact had been terminated because he posed a health risk to fellow performers. He filed his complaint under the Americans With Disabilities Act, which includes protections for people with HIV.
Menard downplayed the role the EEOC determination had in persuading Cirque du Soleil to change its position. Rather, she insisted the circus was convinced after consulting medical experts who said "the risks are minimal" that an acrobat infected with HIV would pass the virus on to another performer.
"We have had a sufficient amount of time to go in depth with the research on this and be thorough in getting a better understanding of the risks of HIV," she said.
Cusick said in an interview Friday that it was too soon to say whether he will accept Cirque du Soleil's offer because he had only learned of it through a news release the circus issued and that he had not been contacted directly. But he said he was pleased by the EEOC's ruling.
"It is very exciting to know they are standing behind me for this," he said.
Details of a settlement, including possible monetary damages, still would have to be negotiated, Gorenberg said, adding that Cusick wants to make sure Cirque du Soleil changes its hiring and training policies "so no one would have to go through what he had to go through."
Menard said Cirque would consider hiring other HIV-positive performers if they met all physical and talent requirements.
"For quality we are not going to go the other way now. We are not going to have a special HIV show," she said.
Cusick's case attracted support from well-known athletes and Hollywood celebrities after Lambda Legal organized protests outside venues where the circus was performing in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Menard said she hoped such public relations problems would end now that the two sides were moving toward a settlement.
"We would rather people think of a Cirque that is close to our shows and not close to this incident," she said.

Radical People and their radical thoughts

I was recently reading someone’s personal blog about the State of Israel and the plight of her people. I was reading through the many different articles, and associated comments but was perturbed by the radical tone of the author. Now, I am all for free speech and commentaries and all that jazz, but when they are so polarised they often scare me. The author was describing the movie “The Passion of Christ” which was directed by Mel Gibson and discusses the death of Christ. The movie has not hit the screens as yet, but it certainly has generated enough media publicity with its contentious topic. The gist of the story is that Christ died at the hands of Jews – simple as that – that was the Coles Notes version, so bear with – Anyhow, the author continues by saying that Christians are,

“…Playing on the favorite Christian game of conspiring to incite hatred against the Jewish People, Gibson's latest release goes out of its way to demonise Jews.”

I don’t disagree with the author that SOME Christian fundamentalists (or any religious fundamentalists for that matter) may have an agenda, but to say they are playing some favourite game is simply biased and completely unfair. Now, as a pretext, remember that I am a proud Gay-Canadian-Asian-male (the order doesn’t really matter), who was raised as a Roman Catholic (no longer following), who lived and breathed in a Jewish community in Toronto for over 10 years (quite the experience). As you can see, my cultural experience and interaction is not limited to "one-world" or to "one culture". So, it is with no wonder that I found the depth of stereotyping and prejudice in the authors’ voice about Christians and other groups of people, all that more interesting.

The authors’ comment was also curious in that, if the New Testament (Bible) was pitting Christians against Jews for their beliefs, then one has to question any other parable or biblical story that seems somewhat contradictory. For example, the Old Testament (Torah) is notorious for stories about a wrathful and jealous god, one who will not allow images of other gods be produced, lest they be “smote”. Does this mean that Hindus who are polytheistic are going to Hell? If this author is saying that the New Testament is a fabrication and a lie, who is to say that the Old Testament, the Torah, Koran are not fabrications? The author continues by saying,

“The New Testament, written by a Roman Agent, Paul, is essentially a fabric of lies, written from the standpoint of a Roman lackey who is angry at the Jews for not accepting his fibs. This is why Paul eliminates almost all mention of the Romans and their brutal occupation of Judea and Jerusalem, and tries to frame the Jews (the ones being occupied and brutalised!!) for the murder of one of their own people- who was trying to get rid of the Romans….Logical? No.”

Well, not to rain on your parade, but “no” that is not logical. For this author to claim that another person’s belief system is false and full of lies is like the pot calling the kettle black. If this argument is to hold water, then one could argue that the whole bible is simply a story. As an example, to the orthodox Christian or Jew, the Genesis is the foundation point of all life. It is the beginning and the validation that God is life giving. But who truly believes that the world was created in 7 days? Does this then put into question the validity or truthfulness of the Genesis? Who am I to say that you should or should not believe in it? Sure we can commentary and analyse, but who are we to judge?

Honestly, I am not a big fan of fanatical religions for this very reason and am in no way saying Christians are right in this commentary. If I were to believe this mode of thought, I would likely be some militant fag painting the town pink with slogans to bring down the establishment of all Religious and government institutions that go against me as a gay man. Note earlier that the author says Christians are “conspiring to incite hatred” Those few words alone were enough to indicate that this argument was bereft of any fairness or any semblance to truth, but was simply an outpouring of radical thoughts. It’s like saying all Muslims are terrorists, that all fags have lisps, or that all Chinese drive poorly. It’s ludicrous, irrational and downright offensive, except for the Chinese driving poorly. I can say that because I’m Chinese.

Mind you, this was a blog (a personal take on things, much like mine) and not an article, but I think every author or writer has a duty to the truth and to proper research.


Let me try to explain –
We are all in our own ways, formed of opinions which are based on our cultural, religious and social experiences. A Jew will have thousands of years of history fueling their need to find "right" and "justice" in a world that persecuted their people. I as a gay Asian male will be doing the same – the 2 are obviously different and I’m not trying to lessen their validity, but the 2 are fundamentally the same. So, when I read or hear about commentaries that are based on emotional and judgmental views, I have to question how we perceive and twist things so that they represent our own views. It all comes down to the context it has been warped into. One person may see something one way, and another person, will see it from a different angle. It is about a person’s responsibility to be fair and to be educated in the topic they wish to argue.

People are too quick to judge when they should not. Uninformed opinions make a dangerous environment that fuel fear, hatred, and secularism. It is also true that people take things out of context within the environment and historical period they live in. And as a person intimately familiar with racism and homophobia and many other forms of "isms" I question every ones point of view, including my own. A healthy dose of introspection and curiosity for the truth is instrumental in learning how another person feels – like stepping into their shoes.
I worry that a world of radical thoughts will bring about laws and conditions that will favour and harbour these beliefs, because secularism is not a healthy choice.
Distancing ourselves from other cultures is not a healthy choice; it’s a form of racism in its own right.

A pain in my ass

As some of you may know, I have been shuffling around with a limp for the last 6 months due to sciatica in my right leg. This whole thing has been a fucking pain in the ass and leg, and I am close to my wits end about it.

Part of the whole recovery process was to go see a Physiotherapist which I started then stopped before the third session. It's not that I didn't want to be healed, but the Physiotherapist was a quack. The others in the office were no better. No offense to the practice or to the therapist but they were.

The first day I walked into the clinic, I knew something was odd. The receptionist was in some conniption about a funeral she had to organise and attend the following day for some person she didn't know.

I sat quietly, trying to mind my own business, reading about J. Lo and Ben's tumultuous relationship in People Magazine. As hard as I tried, I couldn't help but listen, as she first pulled out her lunch bag, then a vase from her knapsack containing the ashes of the above said. Like the sucker I am, I got pulled into the conversation.
I suppose she mistook my complete disbelief for sympathy.
She proceeded to ask me if I thought it was appropriate for her to have to arrange a funeral for someone she did not know. I responded that if she was carrying around ashes on her back, in her knapsack with her lunch, that I likely was not the right person to ask. Before she could reply, my Physiotherapist came to fetch me from the horror of having to deal with another question.

My therapist Katryzina, was a tall and very pretty woman about 31 or so with dark brown hair to her shoulders. She had an accent that reminded me of a female Schwartzenagger, and the body language of Kramer from Seinfeld. She proceeded to get details of my problems and symptoms, interjecting with the occasional "Ya, das nawt goot!" or "Ya, dis muss bee horwibul fohr yu".

She began my therapy session like any ordinary Physio session, but she had a habit of talking to herself, which I stupidly mistook as questions directed at me.

"Hmmm, Sew, dis muss be dee L5 sciatic joint dat ees kaw-zing awl dee moosle payne?"

I would answer her happily, providing details, when she would stop me mid-sentence.
She quickly told me that she liked to talk out loud during her sessions, so I should just ignore her ramblings.
On her advice, I did so.
I was in my own world (still ignoring her ramblings), curiously wondering how much closer her hand was going to grace my house jewels, when she snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. The session was over, but with a quizzical look in her eyes she asked me "Dew yu half a heering pwoblum? Yu need to onser my questions or eye kawnt hellp yu"

Dumbfounded, I decided to play along with the hard of hearing idea. I wasn't about to let Schwartzenagger get the better of me, especially when she had my leg in her grip. As I got dressed and headed out, I couldn't help but wonder about my bizarre medical and doctoral stories.

Anyhow, my leg still hurts but I have another appointment with a different therapist now.
I'm sure there will be a story coming soon, part two.
I swear I must have sucker written on my head.

President Bush Defends Sanctity of Marriage

I am trying to curtail my anger and look at President Bush as objectively as I can, but the man is a veritable idiot, and hasn't gained any points with me with the War in Iraq, his No Child Left Behind Act and especially for his recent comments about the sanctity of marriage, which is in direct reference to the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling in November of 2003 to strike that States ban on same-sex marriage, saying it is unconstitutional and giving state lawmakers six months to craft a way for gay couples to wed.
Now I am not an American, but I do try to follow our sister nations policies and politics closely. We as Canadians are far more in tune with US policies and going-ons, then they are to ours. Not that Canadians are quiet or that we don't have our share of interesting topics to go on (sic Gay marriage, which I will delve into later) - But it has to do with the way we are bombarded by images and media from the States. One isn't likely to surf the tele without crossing some CNN or Fox network broadcast that looks more like a political ad campaign funded by the Presidency.

But I digress. President George Bush is quoted as saying,
"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle. I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."
Please see http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/11/20031118-4.html

If marriage was such a sacntimonius union, why is it that the going divorce rate is 50% or thereabouts (this number can be debated). If Bush thinks marriage is a "federal definition of marriage as a solely man-woman union" then maybe he should speak to the sanctity of a nation that allows for 55 minute unions (sic Britney Spears) or unions that last less than several years. I know dozens of gay couples who have been together for years (some a decade or more) who were not guaranteed the rights of union under the law becasue they were of the same sex. These loving, monogamous caring couples that I see everywhere, are no different in their love for each other, other than their gender. If only people could remove the sexual act from their minds - because that is what it all comes down to. You mention gay and people think sex. If you could see beyond these limitations people, you would see so much more life and so much more depth.

So is Bush and his administration intolerant and homophobic? Well Bush says that "I do believe in the sanctity of marriage ... but I don't see that as conflict with being a tolerant person or an understanding person". Hmmmm - I guess that explains it, huh?

I never understood any administration that would use their Constitution to take liberties and rights away. The Constitution was enacted (either Canadian or American versions) to protect the basic rights of all citizens under the law. That means everyone, Mr. Bush. You are supposed to use it to expand peoples rights not use it for prejudicial reasons, and remove them - I believe Winnie Stachelberg said something like that recently in some human rights campaign.

Anyhow that's my rant for the day. Now I can sleep better.

By the way, Canada rules and hopefully Martin (ummm- for you Americans that's not Sheen or Steve, but Paul Martin, out Prime Minister), will hold true to his agenda and preserve our rights as humans and citizens to the same rights as all for marriage.

Dating 101 Part deux

It's another late Friday night or early on Saturday morn - I can't tell and I can't sleep. Seems to occur more often than not nowadays.
Barely slept the night before - Not for the lack of trying, but I seem to get into a bad routine of thinking about work and other weird things. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I haven't written much in the last week or so. All this built up energy waiting to spew forth on paper, or in this case the keyboard.

Anyhow, I told you all that I would try to keep you updated on the dating situation or lack thereof. I haven't been on any dates, but I have joined a few sites to "advertise" myself so to speak. As part of this dating adventure, I decided to join http://www.face-pic.com/epicurist a few days ago on the recommendation of a friend. I'm not sure if people in this world have nothing better to do, but in 4 days I have something like 700 visits. Kinda shocking, and a little unnerving.

This is how the first day went. I got about 40 messages in about 2 hours.
I couldn't answer them all because I am a free user, and they limit the amount of emails you can reply to.

Anyhow, to cut to the chase - I got onto one of their chat sites and some fella sends me a message telling me he thinks I'm cute and tells me his dick size and that he is a top. I didn't ask for the information, but thanked him for the voluntary details. He said he looked at my profile and thought I was "neat" and that my "English was written good".
I replied "it's 'well'".
He replied "huh?"
I knew at this point where the quality of the conversation would go.
I had a look at his profile which had as much substance as a...well, he had no substance. He had no pictures to boot. So I questioned him, and asked for interests, hobbies, stats, etc.

He said he was new to the site and was 46 etc. His profile said he was 35. I queried which he was, and he shot back "What are you a profile Police or purist? "
"No" I replied, "Just honest and a realist. It makes one question the integrety of a person when they don't tell the full truth". I then made some reference to his age at which he replied "old is good"
"Well then, why lie about it?" I asked. By the silence, I knew he obviously was stumped by my question.

Anyhow, the fellow was the least of my worries. I've had to fine tune my profile to essentially weed out or scare as many people away from asking me retarded and inane questions like "Are you Chinese?" Read my fuckin profile, it says right there.

Anyhow, obviously this is not working to my advantage. If I have to use scare tactics I'm not likely to meet anyone. On top of all this, I am getting job requests and people asking to send their resumes to me... what the fucks up with that one?

But honestly, I have chatted with a number of decent guys, but the ratio seems to be about 1:3 (good:dorks). The odds are stacked against me. This unenviable part of my life seems like a Sisyphusian task, but I do admit that I enjoy seeing the complexities and humour in all of it. I am after all, a sucker for humour and sarcasm.

Just wish other people would get it.

Discrimination towards HIV by Cirque du Soleil

Please support Matt Cusick and his monumental task of fighting against discrimination towards HIV + people. Matt was fired from Cirque du Soliel (a Canadian Company) because he was considered a danger to the company for being HIV+.

Go to http://www.lambdalegal.org/cgi-bin/iowa/cds.html and sign the online petition form.

We need to band together and work for a just society.

Molding my own mold

I was on www.friendster.com today, looking at one subscriber’s page and I was awestruck by the number of muscular mesomorphs listed as his friends (I believe it was about 400+). The site of so many "Adonis-like" bodies made me both self conscious and curiously bewildered. Wondering if this was all fueled by jealousy or my own inadequacies, I began to remember my own experiences as I came out as a gay Asian male. The gay community has always promoted the muscular, smooth Caucasian as admirable, desirable and do-able. Now, far be it that I should complain about these fine specimens, but what about us, the slim non-Europeans? As a slim Asian, standing at 6 foot 1, I battled my own personal demons and fears and desperately tried to workout to fit in. I didn't want to take steroids or any supplements, so I was screwed. Trying to attain the Gay body without these drugs would prove to be both futile and a mystique.
A very good friend of mine, who now refers to himself as "a reformed A-List circuit boy", told me that nearly all those Adonis like creatures were likely filled up with more roids than the common cow. Now, before you start sending me hate mail or some such stuff, hear me out.

If these bodies are really the product of steroids and supplements, then are they Real? I recently saw a friend of mine, whom I had not seen since September, and I could not help but notice his "new" body. He was always slim and fairly well toned, but now he was one large piece of meat. I bluntly asked him what he did to get the body so quickly. His answer was a cycle of roids for a period of 8 weeks. I have often wondered if taking steroids would be an option, but another friend tells me that you simply lose most of the mass when you stop the cycles. What's the point? Taking steroids for the rest of your life isn't a choice I would take refuge in. Sure, you get big and muscular, but think of the cons; pimples, acne, smaller testicles, roid rages, damaged livers, kidneys, heart failure.... the list goes on.

I weigh the options, the pros and the cons and I am left with one answer, that I will never fit any particular mold that society has dished out. The good thing is that it doesn’t bother me as much as it once did. I realize that there is a distinct separation from what is real and what is not. I don’t want to get all philosophical, but all of this reminds me of Plato’s Republic and the concept of The Real. I don’t believe everything out there. Not everything is real or what it seems. The image we project or the image that we perceive, is just that, a perception.

Eyes open, open-mind and you will always see truth and things for what they are.

*Have a peek at Michelangelo Signorile's book Life Outside: The Signorile Report on Gay Men: Sex, Drugs, Muscles, and the Passages of Life
http://www.signorile.com/books/index.html

Dating Life 101

I had a conversation with a friend over the weekend about his desperate search for a man and significant other. I asked if he was asking for the two together or as separate entities - Not finding my question amusing, he ignored it and continued indicating that he didn't think meeting guys in bars or clubs was a good idea. Nor did he believe that one could find something worthwhile or long-lasting in such arenas.
I didn't disagree with him at the time, but I thought about this and have come to the conclusion that if you end up choosing the places where you should or should not go based on assumptions and biases, you will likely shorten your list of chances. Being a single gay male, I already have enough difficulty trying to find somebody whom I click with who wants to settle down. Besides, I like clubbing and also enjoy the occasional foray into a gay bar to have a few drinks. The problem I seem to have, is discerning what I want and don’t want in a relationship. Actually, scrap that. I know what I want, and I definitely know what I don’t want, so the question begs…

Why am I not meeting the right men?


I really think I should take a course on how to meet men, or at least on how to edit through the ones that are and are not dateable. I have a really bad tendency to just stick things through when in actual fact I should just end it then and there. I think it has a lot to do with my inability to say "no". I could be sitting through an eye-stabbing dialogue about the guys’ ex-boyfriend of 10 years and I will continue to show interest and nod in appreciation or empathy. I’ve realized that I am too fucking patient - that is my problem. When you find the hosts cats more interesting than the host, it's definitely a sign.

The question is how do I recognise these signs and obey them? How do I overcome my fear in telling people I am not interested?

It isn't like I have a shortage in the men I meet. There are plenty of men out there that are dateable, and I am sure that I have met a few of them. It really takes a lot of introspection on a person’s part to realise why you process, analyse and do things, the way that you do. This isn't something most people readily share, let alone share on the WWW for everyone to see, but I suppose if this helps some other foolish soul, then it won't be in vain.

Let me start off by saying that I do not suffer fools gladly. I may be patient, but stupidity irks me. Peeling back a few layers of my complicated self, I have realised that the need for approval and acceptance is something that we all inherently desire. We all need this as an affirmation that we are worthwhile. My inability to say no has a lot to do with my childhood and my need for love from a family that did not display affection physically. I suppose I was disillusioned, growing up in a Western culture where affection and physical love was much more the norm than in Asian culture.
It is a growing and learning process, and I am part of the problem, I admit. Am I Scared of commitment or scared of being hurt? Or am I just scared?

Anyhow, as this Travesty, I call my “Dating Life” continues, I will fill you in. If you have advice, please share it. God knows I need it.

McDonalds - a post party meal

I don't know why I continue to do it, but I swear McDonalds slips heroin or some other addictive additive or drug into their Morning McMeals (say Transfats?). Anyhow, after returning from my New Years celebration at 8pm January 1st (yes, I over did it), and sleeping well into the morning, I instantly had a craving for the Sausage and Egg McMuffin - They really should call it the "grease-filled-heart-stopper". After eating one of those, you won't need to apply lip balm for the rest of the day. Needless to say, the meal went through me as quickly as it went down my throat. It must be those transfats helping grease my lips and intestines at the same time.

(sigh) I really need to find more interesting topics to write about...

New Years - Carpe Diem

Alas, another year is set to pass, and here I am in my gotchies running around trying to get ready for an apparently fabulous night out with friends. I have been trying to think of something witty to say to end the new year with, but I'm drawing a blank. I would love to sound off the New Year with some good advice and wisdom, but I really have none. I have realised over the last few years that our impermanency on this earth is something we should cherish. As they say, "Carpe Diem" - It really does mean something. Don't sit on your ass and assume that you have nothing to give to the world. Everyone has something to offer or give to the world, be it small or big. I know it's hokey to make a new years resolution, but I think I will jump the band wagon this time and say that I will live everyday as I should want to see myself live it. As I get older I realise that at 30, I have so much more to do, so much more to accomplish, and so much more to live. The only thing that lasts in this world is an impression, so go make one... NOW.

Have yourselves a fine New Years.
Be safe. Be well. Frankly, just Be.

First Blog...EVER

I know this is my first blog, and I know there are a thousand other pressing issues out there, like the war in the Middle East, the earthquake in Iran, the homeless on our streets, but I just can't get this question out of my head...

Toilet Paper Rolls - Do they roll from under or over? What is the Norm? What is the "said" bathroom etiquette?

I know most will think I am some flake, but I know there are others like me who have sat on the porcelain throne wondering with no amounts of alacrity what the particular norms should be. So, I beg your forgiveness as I bring this out of the privacy of our bathrooms and ask the world what they think on this matter.